Dark Humor
by SmurfyFriend
Summary: It was just a normal day in the smurf village. Normal, that is, until a Gargamel attack made it the most memorable day in smurf history. A SmurfyFriend/YinYangofthePeaceCircle collaboration! RATED M FOR A REASON! READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
1. He Won't Come When He's Called Anyways

**Chi&Aiko: HELLOOO!**

**Chi: Great to see y'all again, It's another collab between our creators- SmurfyFriend and YinYangOfThePeaceCircle- AKA dragonmastrcrashrokz and Riverthunder :D**

**Aiko: I don't even know why we're here. We're not even IN this fic!**

**Chi: *smacks her* shaddap! We're just MCs!**

**Aiko: Alright, fine, fine, on with the fic already. You've hyped it up enough on Deviantart!**

**Chi: Yeah, I guess I have talked about this idea for… oh gosh, almost a year now *Facepalm***

**Aiko: We SHOULD warn you guys that this will NOT be a happy fic.**

**Chi: GRAPHIC STUFF MAN. It's rated M for a reason! Reader Discretion is advised!**

**Aiko: Alright, alright, quit your hyping and START it already!**

**Chi: Alright, fine, fine! On we go!**

* * *

It was a day like any other in the small mushroom village... But like any day, no one truly understood that what would happen that day would change the life of all the little blue inhabitants of the mushroom village.

Light crept sneakily into the mushroom house that was residence to the village prankster. And as soon as that light hit the covered eyeballs of the inhabitant, a large smile spread across his face.

Five, four, three, two-

There was a large, resounding _KABOOM_ that rocked the quiet village, and an equally loud "_HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_" that followed it.

The laugh stopped as there was a loud knock on the prankster's door. The prankster snickered quietly, and answered the door, seeing Grouchy, Vanity, Greedy, Tailor, and Painter there on his front porch, faces covered in soot, irritated expressions across their faces. "Hello, everysmurf!" the prankster smirked, trying to hold back his giggle, "smurfy morning, isn't it?"

"I HATE 'smurfy morning'!" Grouchy snarled, glaring at Jokey.

"JOKEY SMURF! How DARE you smurf a horrid prank like that!" Vanity cried. "You just ruined my makeup! I'll have to redo it!"

Jokey tried to hold back a snigger at the narcissist's predicament. "Oui! And you ruined mah mastairpizza!" Painter added, glaring at the prankster with a vibrant fire in his eyes.

"And you ruined all th' trousers I smoifed!" Tailor's loud voice rose above all of their voices, "it'll take a WEEK to get those all clean!"

Jokey found it even harder to contain his laughs as Greedy took a huge bite from his muffin, crumbs falling down the front of him. "You know Jokey," Greedy said through cheekfuls of muffin, "one of these days you're going to get a smurf of your own medicine!"

Jokey nearly lost it right there. "Are you saying I'll get my-" Jokey had to pause to contain himself. "_Just desserts?_ HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Pretty soon you're going to get what's coming to you," Vanity sniffed disdainfully.

"I hate what's coming to you! But he's right," Grouchy agreed.

Jokey's cackle died in his throat. "Aw, come on, guys," he smiled, giving Vanity and Painter both a nudge, "it's just a joke!"

"You know, Jokey, one of these days, your pranks are going to get somebody KILLED!" Vanity snapped disdainfully.

"I hate 'get somebody killed', but he's right," Grouchy agreed. "You need to tone it down with all these pranks!"

"Aw, come on," Jokey rolled his eyes, "the only one that's going to die from one of my pranks is me from laughing myself to death."

Just then, the breakfast bell rang, and Greedy snapped to attention. "Smurfit! I forgot all about Clumsy helping me in the kitchen!" he remembered, and dashed back in the direction of his kitchen, fat rolls bouncing with each step.

Vanity jumped as well. "I have to help Farmer, I forgot! See you, Smurfs!" He called, jogging in the direction of the fields.

"I have to go too," Grouchy admitted. "We'll talk about this later, Jokey. Come on, Painter," the irritable Smurf muttered, turning to leave.

Painter muttered French curses in Jokey's direction, and sulked off behind Grouchy.

They didn't understand. None of them did. None of the others understood the jokes the prankster pulled.

No one understood the delicate balance that was shattered that day.

Jokey walked through the village, wrapped present in hand, ready for another joke. One groggy smurf in particular caught his eye. "Heya, Brainy!"

"What do you want, Jokey?" Groaned the smart Smurf in annoyance.

Jokey snickered under his breath and shoved the package towards Brainy. "Here! I have a smurfy surprise for you!"

"Jokey, I'm not in the mood for another one of those boxes to explode in my face," Brainy snapped. "Give it to someone else."

However, Jokey was not deterred. "Aw, come on, Brainy," Jokey insisted, "This one's different! Way more suited for a great, smart smurf such as yourself."

"Oh, fine," Brainy huffed. "Give it here."

The prankster smurf grinned like a fool as he passed the package to the reluctant bespectacled smurf, waiting for the inevitable result.

Brainy tore off the ribbon, and the package, of course, exploded in his face. "Why am I not surprised?" He sighed, tossing the now empty box aside. "You should come up with some new pranks, Jokey," he advised, strutting off. "That box one is getting tired and old."

Jokey's grin died slightly. What'd he mean 'tired and old'? That joke was a CLASSIC! It ALWAYS made him laugh. _Brainy just doesn't have a sense of humor,_ Jokey decided, glaring slightly in the bespectacled smurf's direction, _I'm a hundred times funnier than he'll EVER be!_

A quiet laughing got Jokey's attention. The Smurflings! His smile started to return. They ALWAYS got a smurf out of Jokey's jokes. Especially Nat, he loved to laugh. Jokey looked in their direction, seeing the four walking nonchalantly, discussing whatever their plans for the day were. Jokey crept behind them carefully, not making a noise, until he was right behind Snappy. "BOO!" he grabbed Snappy's shoulders slightly, making the yellow-clad smurfling jump nearly half an apple in the air.

"DON'T DO THAT, JOKEY!" Snappy yelled, panting as he saw who had grabbed him. "IT'S NOT FUNNY!" he added as the other Smurflings started laughing at him.

Jokey laughed his raspy cackle, "_HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_" he laughed, "You're right, that wasn't funny- it was HILARIOUS!"

The pink-clad smurfling girl standing catty-corner to Snappy flicked her auburn braids. "Creepin' crawfish, Jokey! Tell us a joke!"

"Okay!" Jokey smiled and cleared his throat. "I got this one from Papa! Where does a 500 pound wartmonger sleep?"

"Anywhere he wants." Slouchy shrugged his shoulders a little.

"We've heard that one already, tell us a new one!" Sassette said, light in her eyes.

"Something good," Nat agreed, patting Snappy on the back. "You've told us a lot..." A slight, mischievous gleam appeared in his eye. "_You haven't run out, have you_?"

"No WAY!" Jokey huffed slightly, "I NEVER run out of jokes."

Jokey thought for a moment, "Okay! I heard this one from a friend from when I was a smurfling!"

He cleared his throat. "What do you call a dog with no legs?" without waiting to hear a response, he answered for them, "Doesn't matter, he can't come when he's called anyways!" he laughed, that was always a favorite joke of his. It was funny to him that he remembered it now, too.

Nat just sort of blinked. "Poor dog," he muttered. "It's too bad he can't run. Wouldn't you just be nice and take care of him?"

"I didn't really like that one, either," Snappy agreed. "It was a bit... Dark, Jokey."

"Some jokes ARE kinda dark, smurfling." Jokey shrugged. "Tell you what, though, my old friend told the BEST jokes... I learned pretty much all of the really smurfy jokes I know from him."

He wasn't bluffing. His childhood best friend taught him all his best jokes.

Tobias... It was kind of odd to think about him now, seeing as he'd been gone all those years... Jokey recalled it had been quite a few years since he'd even thought of the imp that he was such good friends with in his childhood years.

"Who was your friend?" Asked Snappy.

"Yeah, why haven't we met him?" Nat inquired curiously.

"Well, cause YOU," he ruffled Sassette's auburn hair, "weren't around, and you three," he gave them each a slight nudge, "didn't go into the forest much when you were smurflings the first time."

Jokey looked up at the clouds, "My best friend when I was a smurfling was an Imp I met in the forest called Tobias. But one day, right after I got into a fight with somesmurf I think, he just- went away without smurfing goodbye."

"Tha's weird," Slouchy said, sleepy calmness heavy in his voice, "D'ya know why?"

"Nope," Jokey shrugged, "Papa said something about his colony moving, but I don't really remember."

Right about then, they came to the mess hall. "Come on! I'll race you guys to the breakfast line!"

"You're ON!" Snappy agreed, taking off at full speed.

"I'll beat you, Snappy!" Nat hollered from behind him.

"Not on your LIFE!"

Sassette shouted after them, "I'll beat ALL'a ya!"

Slouchy just groaned and walked after them. "Why are we ALWAYS running?"

* * *

After breakfast, the smurfs all dispersed to do their chores. Snappy and Slouchy worked in the fields as punishment for being caught stealing snacks from Greedy's kitchen, but Nat and Sassette remained in the village, sweeping, or collecting scattered firewood. Jokey also gathered firewood, and carried it in tall stacks to the woodpiles to be cut. But what he didn't suspect that he was about to get a taste of his own medicine in the near future.

Vanity glanced over at the others. "You guys ready?" He asked in a hushed tone.

Greedy stuffed the remainder of his cupcake in his mouth, and nodded, Painter, Tailor and Grouchy all smirking and giving a thumbs up. "Oui! Ah zink it is time for ze Jokey Smerf to smerf 'is, as you say, 'just desserts', ohohohon!" Painter half whispered, putting the final touches on their prank.

"I don't hate 'just desserts'," Grouchy smirked. "Vanity, do you wanna smurf the honor?"

"I would be happy to," Vanity agreed excitedly, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"Oy, I don' know about this, guys," Tailor chimed in, looking a bit paranoid, "You know what they say, 'before embarking on a quest fer revenge, dig two graves!'"

"Oh, come on, Tai!" Vanity insisted. "It's just the same prank he gives everyone else. Besides, no one EVER pranks Jokey back! One or two isn't going to hurt him! Besides, maybe he'll tone it down after he knows what it's like to be pranked," Vanity reasoned. "I'm not saying he has to stop entirely, but fewer explosions in the morning would be nice."

"I don't know..." Tailor said, still looking unsure. "I'm smoifin' a bad feeling about owall this..."

Greedy patted Tailor on the back. "It's just a little prank. What's the worst that could happen? Smurf right on ahead, Vanity!"

Vanity picked up the present, winked at Tailor, and strolled up to Jokey. "Hey, Jokey," he said in a sweet voice. "The others and I all agree we might have overreacted just the teensiest bit, so we got you a present!" Vanity held the green and purple box out. "Go on, smurf what it is!" He encouraged.

Jokey had been carrying a pile of logs when Vanity approached him, and his arms were quite full. "Thanks, Vanity! Give me one second..."

Nat and Sassette continued watching from where they collected kindling. But what none of them, not even Vanity or the other smurfs out for revenge knew was that there was something REALLY not right with the package. Before Jokey even had the chance to put his wood down, the box exploded, sending Jokey backwards and all the wood in his arms down on top of him. "Hoppin' Hornytoads! Jokey!" Sassette exclaimed, pointing in his direction.

Vanity went pale. "That wasn't supposed to happen," he hissed to Painter as Grouchy and Greedy began digging Jokey out of the logs.

"Well, whether or not it was supposed to, it DID." Greedy said plainly, moving a larger log from Jokey's chest, "Are you okay, buddy?"

Jokey didn't say anything for a good few minutes. Then at last, he stood up, and stared at the four smurfs, his eyes-usually a calm sapphire- looking like stormy ocean. "_**That WASN'T funny.**_" his voice was deadly low, low enough to send chills down their spines.

"Sorry, Jokey," Vanity apologized. "Really, we didn't mean for it to happen. We wanted it to be like the pranks you give every other Smurf."

Jokey's glare darkened, and his voice turned into almost a growl. "_**That WASN'T funny.**_" he repeated, slightly louder, "You're going to regret doing that, Vanity. Grouchy. Greedy. Painter. _**ALL**_ of you."

Greedy felt a chill run down his spine. A chill from utter fear. Jokey was serious. Not a single doubt was in his face. Greedy tried to reach over to put his hand on the angry smurf's shoulder. "H-hey, let's not be too rash, Jokey, ol' buddy, ol-"

"DON'T touch me." Jokey shook his hand from his shoulder. "I am _NOT_ your 'buddy.'"

Without another word, Jokey started storming off, muttering under his breath, the malice in his eyes not dissipating a bit. Tailor crept to where the stunned smurfs stood, and put a hand to his head. "I TOLD you guys…."

"I'm worried," Vanity admitted. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea..."

"Well, Smerf on, zis is just JOKEY we're smurfzing about," Painter reasoned, "what, you zink he'll do, something dangerous? Ah zink non."

Vanity nodded. "You're right," he said at last. "Of course you are."

"Oui. Of course Ah am right." Painter shrugged, "Come on, we have to finish ze chores."

Greedy stared off in the direction Jokey left in for a moment just before he followed the others back to the village.

* * *

Lunch soon rolled around, and Jokey appeared to be back to his normal self. He'd gotten his plate, then sat down with the four smurflings. "Gosh, I keep forgettin' how much I don' like working out in th' fields," Slouchy yawned, almost slumped forward. "Too much work!"

"You're just lazy," Snappy teased, poking his shoulder.

"Yeah, Slouchy," Nat agreed. "You just don't like moving in general!"

Jokey snickered in agreement as Slouchy pouted and gave what seemed to be a tired glare at Snappy. But before he could say anything, there was a yelp of surprise from across the mess hall. "AIEE! SACRE BLEUSMURF!" the French voice of Painter almost screamed, looking red in the face, tongue hanging out, "Mai tongue! It is on FIAR! JOKEY!"

Jokey watched Painter with a dark smirk creeping over his expression, and calmly continued to eat the roast beef sandwich in front of him.

Nat looked up. "Jokey? What did you do?"

"Yeah, what sort of prank did you pull on Painter? He looks like he's in pain!" Snappy said, shocked.

"It's not that bad," Jokey said coolly, still smirking and spreading a bit of mayonnaise on his sandwich, "I just put a bit of Cayenne pepper in his drink, he's just being a baby about it."

Grouchy gave a sharp yelp. "JOKEY!" He yelled, glaring at the jokester, "You KNOW I hate mayonnaise! I can't eat this sandwich!" he spat, tossing the roast beef sandwich away from him in disgust, trying to wipe the offending condiment off his tongue.

Jokey rolled his eyes slightly in contempt, still smirking. "What a baby." he mumbled under his breath.

"Ow!" there was another yelp from about a table away, "Who did this!?"

The smurflings looked over to the source of the noise, Tailor. He looked horrified, staring down at a long, sharp sewing needle in his hand. "Jokey, did you put this needle in my sandwich?!"

"I don't think so," Jokey's smirk grew ever so slightly, and he took a bite out of his sandwich.

Just as Jokey said this, Vanity shrieked. "AUGH!" he yelped, jumping into Farmer's lap, "BUGS!"

The smurflings all looked over to where Vanity cowered in his mate's lap. There were ants and what appeared to be cockroaches skittering all over the plate, all of them seeming to come from the single bite in the burrito sitting on the plate. Jokey's smirk stretched almost ear to ear as he took another big bite from the sandwich.

All these pranks were scary to a point, but nothing could prepare them for what had happened next.

Without much warning, there was a commotion at the front of the chow line. Greedy desperately tried to speak, hands around his throat, eyes wild and wide. At first, nobody thought anything of it. Until his face started to turn purplish. "Oh dear, I think he's choking on something!" the feminine voice of Smurfette called out.

Hearing this, a smurf with a red hat, red slacks, and white beard darted through the crowd until he had reached Greedy. He wrapped his arms around Greedy from behind, made his hands a fist, and jabbed it into his stomach again and again, until Greedy finally coughed up what appeared to be a large chicken bone, and was again drawing deep breaths.

Snappy was almost white. "Jokey... These pranks aren't funny!" he yelped.

"You could have KILLED Greedy," Nat agreed, horrified. "That was smurfing too far!"

"Y-yeah!" Slouchy agreed, fear in his sleepy eyes.

"Someone could'a gotten really hurt!" Sassette looked stunned, almost white in the face.

Jokey, however, had hardly heard the smurflings' concerns. Right when Greedy had gotten the bone dislodged from his throat, and seen the expression across his terrified face, Jokey just about lost it. He laughed so hard, he nearly fell off his chair. Not his normal, scratchy laugh, either. No, for once, his laugh didn't sound happy. It didn't sound like Jokey at all. It was warped, twisted even. Completely unrecognizable.

"_**HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHA!**_"

"_**JOKEY SMURF!"**_" A loud, commanding voice stopped Jokey's laughing right then and there.

Jokey's laugh slowly died in his throat. The smurf in red clothing approached him, a dead serious look across his face. "Jokey, Greedy could have been KILLED!" he scolded Jokey, "If I've smurfed you once, I've smurfed you a THOUSAND times, your pranks can NEVER cause somesmurf harm!"

"I-I- But Papa smurf, I-" Jokey tried to reason with him, but was soon cut off.

"NO BUTS, Jokey!" Papa smurf continued to scold him, "You are to apologize to Greedy IMMEDIATELY, and gather his firewood for the next week!"

Jokey ducked his head in an ashamed manner. After a moment or two, he shuffled to where Greedy still stood, trying to regain his sanity. "I-I'm sorry, Greedy..." Jokey said softly, "I-I-I didn't mean to-"

"S-STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Greedy panicked at the sight of Jokey, backing away, his hand wandering to a chef's knife sitting next to a cutting board. "Y-You tried to kill me!"

Grouchy leaped between the two of them. "Jokey, back off," he ordered. "Greedy, leave the knife alone. Don't do anything that could hurt somesmurf, okay? He's not coming near you anymore."

"T-Tried to kill me..." Greedy continued to mutter, face almost white, legs weak and wobbly as he started to slide into a sitting position against the table. "Oh, God, he tried to k-kill me..."

Papa approached Jokey from the side, and put a hand on his shoulder. "Jokey." he said softly, "Now would be a smurfy time for you to go start collecting that firewood."

Just as Jokey started to walk away, Papa smurf caught him by the wrist. "One moment..." he said softly. "Did you eat breakfast this morning, Jokey?"

The prankster looked thoroughly confused. "Uh, no, why Papa?"

Papa smurf seemed to tense up at his answer. "No reason." Papa smurf replied, releasing Jokey, "Go collect the firewood. But be careful, Gargamel's been spotted in the forest today."

Jokey just gave the leader a confused look, then stalked off into the woods.

Nat, Snappy, and the other Smurflings cautiously approached Greedy.

"A-are you okay, Greedy?" Snappy asked.

"Y-yeah, that was scary," Nat agreed.

"I'll say..." Sassette nodded, looking down at the village chef with worried eyes.

Greedy just sat there for a moment or two, trying to process what had just happened. "Y-Yeah..." he said at last, grabbing a stray cupcake from the shelf just above him, and taking a big bite from it. "I'm fine, smurflings... I-I'm just fine..."

"I'm glad," Nat sighed in relief.

"Yeah, I've never seen Jokey like that," Snappy muttered. "He was SCARY..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Jokey was gathering firewood, muttering under his breath. "They're just overreacting... It was just a little prank..."

Little did the prankster know, there was someone right behind him, watching him, waiting for just the right moment to strike, so he could test his latest and greatest potion. "That was actually a great prank," Jokey mused to himself. "Come to think of it, all of them were... I should pull pranks like that more often."

"You won't get to pull ANY more pranks once I'm through with you!" the evil wizard watching the prankster smurf declared with a cackle, snatching him up in his hands.

"YIPE!" Jokey yelped, shocked. "PAPA SMURF! SOMEBODY! HELP! GARGAMEL!"

"Quiet you little blue bumpkin!" The wizard growled, bending down to where the rusty Abyssinian cat he kept as a companion pawed eagerly at the smurf in his hand, "Or else I'll let Azrael here shut you up PERMANENTLY."

"REE-ow rroaw!" the cat flicked his ruddy red tail, ears twitching eagerly.

Gargamel reached into the bush he had just come from, taking a large burlap sack from it. He quickly reached into the sack, taking a potion bottle with what appeared to be a squeeze pump attached. The wizard sat on a nearby log, then angled the potion right at Jokey. He held the smurf by the small amount of skin on the back of his neck, and pumped the little pump of the potion. "This will make you even MORE delicious, you rotten little thing! Mwahaha, I can hardly WAIT!"

Jokey yelped, and began fighting to get out of Gargamel's tight grip. "Let-! Me-! GO-!" Jokey screamed fearfully.

"Not on your SMURF you little blue beast!" Gargamel cackled.

The wizard's cackling was cut off by a yelp of surprise. "Ouch!" he cried out, releasing the smurf, rubbing his hand, "Something bit me!"

He wasn't sure what had happened. But something inside of Jokey spoke to him in a familiar voice. "_Run, Jokey. Run like you've never run before!_" Jokey didn't need to be told twice. He made a beeline, racing as far away from the old, evil wizard and his cat as he could.

As Jokey ran, a terrible, indescribable scream hit the air, soon accompanied by what appeared to be the screams of a fighting animal. Jokey dismissed it as sounds produced by his own panic, and kept running until he simply could not anymore. "That was close-!" he panted.

"I'll say! That guy just about had us, huh?" A voice from behind the prankster spoke.

Jokey turned at the sound of the voice. "Wh-who said that?"

"What, you don't recognize your best friend?" the voice jabbed playfully.

Just then, a being materialized before Jokey, a short, but slim creature with light green skin and dark green attire. His pointed ears twitched slightly and his slightly yellow teeth showed slightly in a smile. "Tobias!" Jokey laughed in relief. "Where have you been all this time, buddy?"

"My colony had to move! Some human moved in on our territory!" the imp, identified as Tobias spoke, approaching Jokey, "I've been spending the last few years trying to find you! I can't believe it's been so long!"

"No kidding!" Jokey agreed. "Thanks for helping me out with that mangy cat and its owner! I'm glad you're still such a smurfy friend even after all this time!"

"No problem, Jokey." Tobias smirked, putting an arm over Jokey's shoulder in a friendly manner. "What're you doing out here, anyways? It's dangerous to be out in the forest alone."

"Oh, Papa got mad at me for pulling a prank on that fat Smurf, Greedy." Jokey shrugged.

"That's stupid!" Tobias snorted indignantly. "It's just a dumb prank, and he sends you out to collect firewood with some stupid human prowling around?!"

"No kidding," Jokey agreed. "Something about how he could have died, choking on the chicken bone, or something."

"And for THAT he sends you out here?" Tobias stared at him disbelievingly. "Come on, everybody needs a near-death experience to make them appreciate what they have in life. I bet you that fatty is ten times happier than when he woke up, cause he can appreciate that he DIDN'T die. You did more help than harm!"

"I know, right?" Jokey agreed. "The way they act you'd think I'd put a knife to his throat and slit it then and there!"

"That Papa of yours sure is overdramatic," Tobias shook his head, then smiled widely as he came up with the best idea he'd ever had. "Hey! Jokey, I got it!"

"What's that?" Jokey asked, cocking his head to the side slightly in confusion.

"What if we proved to them that you were in the right?" Tobias stated, "I mean, if they get what's coming to them, and the other smurfs that were giving you trouble see that maybe a near death experience is what they need to put life in perspective, they'll feel bad for making you go out. Whaddya say, pal?"

"Sound like a plan," Jokey agreed. "Maybe just something little?" He added as an afterthought; the idea was good, but he didn't want I actually get anyone hurt.

Tobias sighed slightly and rolled his eyes. "You're so naive, Jokey," he said plainly, "But, your family, your rules."

"I mean, a few bumps and cuts won't hurt anyone," Jokey say quickly. "But, I don't want to get someone SERIOUSLY hurt. I'd feel pretty guilty if I hurt somebody TOO bad."

"I can't guarantee that, Joker," Tobias shook his head, his face serious, "It doesn't matter though, so long as nobody knows it's us... we have to keep this all a secret or else we'll be in some big trouble."

Tobias looked down at Jokey and his body, still greasy from the potion. "Ugh, come on, we'll take a dip in the river before we go to the village. You smell like iron."

Jokey looked himself over in confusion. "I do?" He asked, as Tobias gave an affirmative nod. "Weird... I wonder why."

"It's probably that nasty potion," Tobias made a grimace, "It'll wash off in the river though, I bet."

"Yeah, good idea," Jokey agreed, heading in the direction of the River Smurf.

* * *

Meanwhile in the village, there was a bit of a commotion. Somesmurf had heard strange noises coming from the forest, and urged Papa to go with them to see what it was. Nat and Sassette were finishing up their chores in the village when Snappy and Slouchy approached them, looking pale in the face. "Pale pillbugs, guys!" Sassette exclaimed once they got close enough. "Wha's all the racket about!?"

"You guys- are not gonna- believe- what we just- saw!" Slouchy said in between breaths, then motioned for them to follow, "C'mon!"

"O...kay...?" Nat asked, jogging after the other two Smurfling boys at a steady pace. "Geez, why do you look so flustered?"

"You'll see!" Slouchy replied, rushing off towards the forest, Snappy in lead.

Moments later, they came to where there appeared to be a small gathering of smurfs just past the brush. There was, what appeared to be, a black lump laying sprawled out on the ground, and what roughly seemed to be a pinkish body of some form, looking carelessly laid on the ground. At first, neither of the two could tell what was so interesting that Snappy and Slouchy had to bring them here. But all at once, Sassette's eyes widened as she realized what the lumps were. "P-Pappy Gargamel!" the young smurfette squeaked, running from the bush, tripping over rocks and roots until she finally reached the black mass, and threw her arms around it as best as she could, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Slouchy moved slightly so the other body couldn't be easily seen by Nat. "Papa says Azrael got skinned. Not real well, either." he said, almost hushed, still looking positively spooked.

Nat was stunned. "Y-you mean... someone KILLED Gargamel and Azrael?!"

"Yeah," Snappy said in a hushed voice.

"I... I wonder who cou'da done it?" Slouchy asked, not even stopping himself from staring at the two corpses. "Maybe some thief or something...?"

"I guess it makes sense," Nat said slowly.

"Yeah," Snappy agreed quietly. "I mean, I've heard somesmurfs say that humans sometimes kill each other over nothing... I guess I just don't understand why they skinned Azrael or anything. Killing the cat doesn't make sense..."

"I dunno either." Slouchy replied, "Guess it's jus'... a random act of cruelty, or somethin..."

"I feel bad for him, honestly..." Nat admitted. "I really do..."

"I guess," Snappy said, in a voice that said he disagreed.

"I do too..." Slouchy couldn't help but stare at the pink skin on what used to be Abyssinian cat. "I know they chased us around a lot... bu' NO'un deserves somethin' like tha'... Even Gargamel n' Azrael..."

"No WAY," Nat agreed. "Azrael especially never deserved that!"

"At least we don' have t' worry about gettin' caught by them no more..." Slouchy mumbled, watching Sassette keep holding the unmoving fingers of the figure she thought her father, crying and sobbing hysterically.

Nat scooted around to Sassette's side, rubbing her back. "It's okay, Sassy," he tried to soothe her, making sure not to look in the direction of the slain Abyssinian cat. "He's... I bet he's in a better place now... 'Cause nosmurf could make someone as smurfy as you and go someplace bad..."

Sassette looked up slightly, then over at Nat. Without much thought behind it, she hugged him tightly, still crying. "I-It's not fair, Nat... It's jus' not fair..."

Slouchy moved a little to comfort her, putting a hand on her back. "It's ok, Sassette...At least he didn' suffer too much..."

he glanced back at the wizard that had given them so much trouble over the years. He had a long, thin slash over his throat that had once poured blood, he couldn'tve suffered long. The wizard's mutilated face told a different story, but Slouchy dared not say that.

"Well, I can kinda see why you love him," Nat said slowly.

"Yeah," Snappy agreed. "Definitely, Sassy."

Sassette was quiet for a moment or two, but then she pulled away slightly. "Th-thanks, guys..." she murmured, "I like tha' yer not tryin' t' tell me I shouldn' be sad, like Brainy 'er th' others would... Tha's special..."

Sassette glanced back at Gargamel for a moment, then wiped her eyes sadly. "I know he's no' ACTUALLY my Pappy..." she said softly, "Bu' it was his spell that made me... Tha's gotta count for something..."

Slouchy nodded and took her hand. "It does, Sassette. Even though he was mean, if we didn' have him, we wouldn'a had you or Smurfette." He gave her hand a slight squeeze, "C'mon... Maybe Greedy's go' some ice cream or cookies 'er somethin' smurfed."

He started to lead her back the way they came, until conversation caught his ear, and he stopped. Sassette looked back at him. "Hm? What's the matter, Slouchy?" She asked, before he put a finger to his lips.

"It's probably nothin'," he replied, "Snappy, you take Sassette back to th' village. Nat, come with me, I think I hear somethin'..."

"Got it," Snappy nodded. "Don't do anything stupid," he added, a little worried. "Keep to the shadows and don't get noticed."

"Obviously we aren't going to go running out screaming 'who's there' at the top o our lungs," Nat retorted, following Slouchy.

Slouchy and Nat crept a little further, watching as Sassette and Snappy walked back to the village. "Shh! That's what I heard!" Slouchy said in a hushed whisper.

"I still don't know why we're even bothering examining them, Papa smurf," the voice of Dabbler, the resident doctor, spoke. "They were killed by some human, it's THEIR problem."

"But what if they WEREN'T killed by humans?" the voice of Papa smurf replied, his voice hushed. "Those cuts were far too small to be made by a human's blade."

Slouchy looked over at Nat, confusion in his face.

"Is he saying a SMURF did this...?" Nat asked in a choked whisper, his eyes wide. "Why...?"

"I dunno either," Slouchy replied, his voice also a whisper.

"Papa smurf," Dabbler's voice was quiet and disbelieving, "Surely, you can't mean that one of US did this?"

"I never said a smurf did this, Dabbler," Papa smurf replied, "simply a creature around our size. An elf, or an imp, or fairy. If it WAS one of us magical creatures, Gargamel and Azrael's deaths ARE our problem. Even with all the trouble they've put us through, murder is murder." Papa smurf paused a moment, "I have doubts it was a smurf. But we shall leave no stone unsmurfed if Gargamel's death was in fact caused by one of our own."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Nat mumbled, sinking to his knees. "What if a Smurf really DID kill them, Slouchy...? What happens then?"

"I dunno," Slouchy said honestly, "Bu' I think- Ah!"

Right at that moment, the smurflings were discovered. Their own Papa smurf loomed over them, a grave expression on his face. "Smurflings," his voice was low, "How much did you hear?"

"W-we heard about how you were saying it might be someone small," Nat said softly, deciding the truth was best. "A-about how it might be an imp, or a pixie, or a fairy, or..." He trailed off, his voice dying in his throat.

Papa smurf winced, already knowing what Nat was about to say. He knelt down to their level, eyes very serious. "Nat, Slouchy..." Papa smurf spoke, "I want you both to forget everything you heard just now."

Slouchy looked surprised. "But Papa smurf-!"

"Slouchy, this is of no concern to you two." the leader smurf's voice rose slightly, "Even if it is one of us, it is not your concern to know the fine details involved with this. Promise me you'll forget this at once."

Slouchy looked down at the ground. "We promise..." he mumbled, though the glint in his eye told a different tale.

"Good." Papa smurf patted them both on the shoulders. "Now go back to the village, I'm sure poor Sassy must be a wreck right now."

"Yes, Papa smurf..." Slouchy muttered, shuffling down the forest path.

Once they had left earshot of Papa smurf and Dabbler, Slouchy looked to Nat. "There's somethin' weird about this..."

"Yeah," Nat agreed. "But we can't go snooping around; we already told Papa we'd drop it. If he catches us poking around we could get into trouble." He paused. "It's probably best to let the adults handle this."

Slouchy made his face a pout. "I don' WANT to let this go, though. There's something I really don' like about this, and I WANT to know." he snapped his fingers. "I got it! You n' me, we could be like Smurflock Holmes and figure it out without Papa knowing! We've solved plenty'a mysteries before, right?"

"Well... Okay," Nat agreed at last. "But we have to be careful about it! Agreed?"

"Got it." Slouchy agreed, then looked up in thought. "Hmm, I guess first we have to take another look at the bodies when they're done... look for something they maybe missed...

Nat nodded his head in assent, too worried about having Papa realize they hadn't left to voice his agreement.

* * *

**Chi: Yay! Now that that's over, let us take a minute to just remind y'all that this is what you signed up for~ SmurfyFriend/dragonmastrcrashrokz length, and YinYangOfThePeaceCircle/Riverthunder dark additions! :D**

**Aiko: You can't blame it ALL on me and River, you and Dragon did most of the describing!**

**Chi: Okay, so I'm a writer that loves dark stuff. Sue me.**

**Aiko: ANYWAYS…**

**Chi: We worked really hard on this, and we all hope it shows!**

**Aiko: Review! Seriously, reviews are our friends!**

**Chi: They make chapters come faster! :D Until the next time!**


	2. Smurf a Tune

**Chi&Aiko: HELLOOO! **

**Chi: First off, we'd like to thank all those that commented/reviewed our first chapter!**

**Aiko: and warn you all that this chapter's really graphic- Flowerpower71, we're talking to you, since you said you felt squeamish reading the first chapter! :3**

**Chi: *smacks her* Shut up! I was squeamish writing it! .**

**Aiko: Whatever. Can we just get on with it?**

**Chi: *sighs and rolls her eyes* Arright, Arright, ya meshuganah kalba.**

**Aiko: Only one that can call me that Chi. Only one.**

* * *

News of the Wizard's death had spread throughout the village, but most of the smurfs remained in their homes. They agreed, Celebration of death- even Gargamel's- was wrong. One smurf in particular was not in his home. No, Harmony smurf was in the forest, "playing" his trumpet loudly. He only stopped when he saw a familiar face approaching. "Hello, Jokey!" he said, a smile on his face. "What're you doing in the forest?"

Tobias had decided on turning himself invisible- he didn't much like being around smurfs other than just Jokey. The invisible Tobias jabbed Jokey in the shoulder.

Jokey stalked forward. "Oh, nothing, Harmony... Just...enjoying the scenery. There were some birds around here not too long ago... Shame; your 'playing' scared them all away." He gave Harmony a terrifying smirk. "Too bad, isn't it?"

"Eh..." Harmony was put off by that smirk accross Jokey's face and backed away slightly. "Are... You alright, Jokey?"

"I'm fine... But you really should stop all that racket. It gets on other smurf's nerves..." Jokey trailed off lightly, still stalking forward slowly with that same demonic grin curling his lips.

"W-Well-! Your joke boxes get on other smurf's nerves t-too, you know!" Harmony felt a sickening fear welling up inside of him, seeing that hellish grin. "C-Could you stop looking at me like that, please? I-it's kinda creepy..."

"Creepy? Me? That's a bad joke, Harmony..." Jokey suddenly lunged at him, knocking him to the ground and holding him by his throat, "A VERY bad joke."

"J-Jokey!" Harmony tried to kick him off, gasping for breath, "W-what're you d-aack!"

The tone-deaf smurf looked around frantically for something to fight back. Just to his side, his trumpet had fallen from his hand. He desperately reached for it, if he could get the instrument, he'd be able to get away, possibly!

Jokey saw where Harmony was reaching and leaned over to snatch the trumpet away from Harmony's desperately clawing hands. "Good idea, Harmony... What a VERY good idea."

Harmony's eyes widened terrifiedly. "N-no-! Oh god, N-NO!"

Jokey carefully pried Harmony's mouth open and began shoving the instrument down his throat, laughing all the while. "You were right, Harmony!" He laughed as the Smurf's eyes bulged. "This IS funny! You should have been a prankster instead of a musician!"

Harmony gasped for breath, desperately fighting to get away, to call for help, to _BREATHE_ even. The trumpet lodged down his throat squealed and screamed with every desperate attempt at breath, not sounding too different from his usual playing. The tone-deaf clawed at his friend turned attacker, desperately trying to get free, desperately trying to save himself. Jokey just stood over him, sneering in amusement. "This is really funny," he mused as Harmony's final breaths drew near.

Harmony's desperate gasp swan song came to a slow end, dark eyes filled with confusion and betrayal as his fingernails raked Jokey's arms one final time, before falling to the cold, unforgiving ground. With a great shudder, the tone-deaf smurf laid chillingly still, eyelids barely a quarter of the way lidded and head slightly to the side.

Jokey started laughing. "That sure was a funny prank, Tobias!" He cackled, holding his sides.

In a small flash of sparkles, the Imp appeared again. "It was!" Tobias was laughing loud enough to wake the dead. "That little ditty he played was better than ANY of his usual playing!"

"Agreed," Jokey laughed. "Who should we prank next, Tobias?"

Tobias tapped his chin in thought. "Hmm, I don't know," he replied, "How about we go check out the village and see who'll take a joke?"

"Sounds like a plan," Jokey smirked, leading the way to the village of Smurfs.

* * *

In the outskirts of the village, not far from Harmony's and Poet's houses, there stood a painting studio, well lit and filled with magnificent works of art. The artist living there was proud of his masterpieces, every last one of them. The time he took making sure every detail was exactly right was only outmatched by the tears shed and French profanities shouted when a painting was "ruined", or a detail not the way the artist wanted it. And Painter smurf truly was a sight to be seen when that happened.

However for the moment, all was right in the artist's world. The lighting was just right for his painting; he had not been disturbed with silly observations about the weather, or about Gargamel, or storm preparations. No, today was just him and his oil paints, painting an image he had once seen in a dream, and now tried desperately to recreate. A fairy, with the longest, flowingest red hair, bathed in the light of the blue moon. It seemed such a simple project. But every time he attempted it, he always came up short of his dream.

Painter sang softly, something he very rarely did, as he painted almost effortlessly.

"_La lune, trop bleme,  
pose un diadème  
sur tes cheveux roux.  
La lune, trop rousse,  
de gloire éclabousse  
ton jupon plein de trous.  
La lune, trop pâle,  
caresse l'opale  
de tes yeux blasés.  
Princesse de la rue,  
sois la bienvenue  
dans mon coeur brisé..." _

"How about him?" Jokey hissed softly to Tobias, peeking into the window slyly.

"I think he could use a little fun." Tobias smirked under his invisible guise. "Just close the windows. When we're in the village we're more likely to get caught."

"Got it," Jokey smirked, slinking into the room through the unlocked door, and carefully locking the door.

Then, he stalked silently passed, careful not to make a move. Slowly, he began pulling the curtains closed.

"_The stairways up to la butte  
can make the wretched sigh."_

The poor, unsuspecting artist didn't even hear the click of the lock. The only way he noticed something in the room was terribly wrong was when the fluttery white curtains closed, shielding his usually well-lit studio from the light.

"_While windmill wings of the Moulin  
shelter you and-"_

Painter looked at the window the instant he noticed his perfect light had gone. "Ohn? Jokey Smerf?!" Painter made a slight noise of disgust as he disdainfully dropped his paintbrush in a cup of water. "'Aven't you evair 'erd of knocking?!"

"Haven't you ever heard of a 'joke'?" Jokey growled back, his voice disdainful. "Just a little prank was all it was, Painter Smerrrrf," Jokey said, rolling the word in a French accent tauntingly, his demonic grin returning.

"_Fils d'un schtroumpf_" Painter mumbled under his breath. He HATED it when somesmurf poked fun at his accent. He was PROUD of his language, as well as the accent that came with it. "Breaking and entairing is hardly a good prank, it is not even funny, non?" the artist turned back around and dipped a coarse paintbrush in the paints. "If you only come to bothair me, Ah kindly ask you do it anothair time, anothair day, _abruti_."

"Oh, no," Jokey sneered, his sadistic smile widening as he came closer. "That's only the tip of th iceberg, Painter. There's more to come from this little 'prank'."

There was an edge to the younger smurf's voice that disturbed Painter. He was not well trained to hearing emotion in the voices of his peers, but even now Jokey's words sent a chill down the red-vested smurf's spine. Slowly, cautiously, the sensitive painter turned around, met with the hellish grin he had never- nor did he ever want to- seen before. "Eh?"

Jokey pounced as he had before pranking Harmony, pinning Painter under him and sneering down at him. "What do you think of it so far, Painter?" Jokey asked, his voice almost gravelly.

To say the least, Painter was shocked. And when Painter was shocked or afraid, or both, he didn't speak English anymore. "_Je ne comprends pas, pourquoi faites-vous cela?! Qu'est-ce que je peux faire pour vous?!_" he demanded, not even noticing he had slipped into his language of origin.

Jokey glared at him darkly. "You shouldn't talk like that," he spat coldly. "Nosmurf can understand your meaningless jabber."

Painter didn't understand his words. Then again, he didn't need to understand that Jokey was angry with him for some reason. "_s'il vous plaît, pourquoi faites-vous ça?! Je pensais que nous étions amis!_" the words slipped from his mouth like silk, as Painter's wide eyes widened terrifiedly. "_Qu'ai-je fait pour mériter cela?!_"

"Someone should shut you up," Jokey hissed, snatching the canvas of Painter's fairy painting off its easel and raising it over his head, preparing to strike him.

Painter's eyes widened in a horrified manner as he struggled to get away, kicking, struggling, trying anything at all to get away. "N-NO! P-PLEASE!" he shrieked, and looked out towards the door, "HELP! HELP, ANYSMURF, PLEASE!"

In a state of absolute panic, the artistic smurf bit down hard on Jokey's wrist, hoping that that little last-ditch attempt to get away would give him enough time to run for the bolted door.

Jokey growled in pain, then lunged, grabbing Painter by the back of his jacket collar just as the artist's fingertips unlocked the door. "That. Wasn't. Funny," Jokey snarled, slamming the canvas into Painter's head.

The wood of the canvas cracked against the artist's head, landing with a clatter on the ground next to its creator- who seemed still conscious, but incredibly dazed by the attack. There was a slight splatter of blood from the wound on Painter's head on the painting, giving Tobias a sickening idea. "Hey, Jokey!" the invisible imp whispered in his best friend's ear, "I'm feeling a bit... _Artsy_ right now..."

Jokey smiled excitedly, seeing a letter opener on the desk next to him where Painter sketched out his ideas. "Yes..." He said slowly, picking it up and moving back to Painter, "Artsy..."

With one swift motion, Jokey slice open the artist' throat and laughed as blood poured from the wound in a deep crimson waterfall.

Painter gurgled slightly, trembling and shaking, clutching onto the limp canvas, and looked up at Jokey, all the hate in his eyes he could muster. "_Vous voir dans__enfer__ Jokey Smurf._" his voice died in a gargle, and the artist laid very still, surrounded by the maroon pool around him, spreading quickly.

"I always knew Arts and crafts were fun." Tobias came into view again, placing a new canvas on the easel and giving Jokey a clean paintbrush.

Jokey snickered in agreement, sopping up some of the scarlet 'paint' from Painter's throat onto his brush and beginning to scrawl a clumsy forest scene, the image of a Smurf lying limp in the bottom left corner.

Tobias squinted his eyes at the doodle of the smurf in the corner. "Say, that kinda looks like that tonedeaf weirdo with the horn earlier," he said.

"It sure is!" Jokey cackled, dipping hi brush back in the blood. "Looks pretty good, huh?"

"Yeah! That's imaginative, leaving something behind of the previous prank..." Tobias almost purred, "Imaginative indeed!"

However, right at that moment, the door rattled a little bit. "Painter?" an obnoxious, nasally voice Jokey recognized immediately called out, "I need to talk to you about repainting my house!"

Before anyone could so much as bat an eye, the door opened, and Brainy stood there, staring at Painter, and especially staring at Jokey and his bloody masterpiece. Actually, he looked as though he would be sick to his stomach.

"Hiya, Brainy!" Jokey snickered. "What do you think of my prank?"

"What do I THINK!?" Brainy dropped the book in his hand and rushed to where Painter laid sprawled out on the ground, his coat soaked in his own blood. "Oh my god, Jokey, I think your 'PRANK' just _**KILLED**_ somesmurf!"

A dark glare fell across Jokey's features. "So you don't like it?" He asked, as if daring Brainy to say no.

"NO, I DON'T LIKE IT!" Brainy shouted, not reading the dangerous expression on Jokey's face, "You smurfing KILLED someone, Jokey! I'm telling Papa smurf RIGHT NOW!"

Without a moment to spare, Brainy rose from his place next to Painter and dashed for the open door, panic the dominant expression in his face.

Jokey lunged at Brainy, throwing the knife, which lodged itself in the doorframe. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Brainy," Jokey snarled darkly.

Brainy slowly turned around, facing the maniacal smurf. "P-Please, Jokey, p-please don't kill me..." he whimpered, "I'll do whatever you want, j-just please don't k-kill me!"

Tobias-who had hidden himself again, poked Jokey in the ribs. "He might be of some use to us..."

"Hmmm..." Jokey mused. "How, though...? How can you be of use to us...?"

"P-Potions!" Brainy blurted out before he could stop himself. "I-I can make you potions for whatever you n-need!"

"But what sort of potions would we need?" Jokey asked, more to Tobias than Brainy.

"Anything, really... maybe a paralyzer, or a acidic one?" Tobias replied quietly.

"You think you could handle some paralyzers? And acidic potions?" Jokey demanded

Brainy, although he was only half confident his skills would be "useful" to the glaring smurf, nodded hastily, his face white.

"Good." Jokey released him. "Smurf to it. You tell anyone, and I'll have to prank you, too."

Brainy swallowed the lump in his throat, and tried to halt his knees from shaking. "C-Come with me, I'll bring you to P-Papa's lab. H-he's still in the forest investigating G-Gargamel..." his voice shook and squeaked occasionally.

"Don't forget that letter opener in the door!" Tobias reminded Jokey. "I think we'll need that later."

"Right," Jokey agreed, wrenching the letter opener easily from the wall and glaring at Brainy. "Come on. Smurf to it."

Brainy nodded, barely taking his eye off the blade in the prankster smurf's hand, and started leading him to his mentor's alchemy lab.

* * *

"I dunno, Nat," Slouchy spoke as they walked through the forest, suns beating down against the two smurflings' backs. "I think Papa smurf was right that it wasn't a human, but I don't think it was a fairy. All the ones I've seen carry a sword. The cuts on Gargamel's neck almost looked like some kind of a sharp rock or something. Same with Azrael."

"Yeah," Nat agreed, looking up at the dying sunlight as it peeked through the tree branches.. "Whatever it was was definitely too jagged to be a sword."

"Mm- hmm..." Slouchy agreed. "No matter HOW you smurf it, they didn't go quick- Ah!"

The smurflings stopped dead in their tracks once they saw a blue hand just barely outside of a bush. "Lazy must be sleeping in the forest now that we don't have Gargamel to worry about," Slouchy said quietly, careful not to disturb the smurf that belonged to the hand.

"I dunno," Nat muttered. "Whoever that is is pretty pale for just being asleep, Slouchy."

"You're right," Slouchy nodded, getting closer, a suspicious look on his face. "Hey! You! Wake up!"

When the body attached to the hand and mostly hidden through the bush didn't budge, Slouchy put his hands to the shoulder and shook slightly, "Brr!" he shivered, "He's cold t-AAH!" as soon as he saw the face of the supposedly sleeping smurf, he scooted away wildly, eyes wide and face pale. "H-H-H-Harmony!"

Nat was pale; he turned away from the gruesome sight and vomited into the grass.

"We have to tell Papa," he managed once he had wiped his mouth and caught his breath.

"W-Wait a second..." Slouchy got a little bit closer to the body again. "Look, whoever k-killed him had four fingers..." he used a twig to show Nat the harndprint-shaped bruises along Harmony's neck, "Faries have five. Imps and elves do too." Slouchy's face paled considerably. "Smurfaroo, do you know what this means?"

"H-he was killed b-by one of us," Nat replied in a choked whisper. "_Harmony was killed by another Smurf_."

Slouchy nodded slowly. "I just... I don't understand it..." Slouchy's voice was barely a whisper. "Who would DO this...? Who would do such an awful, unsmurfy thing like this...?"

"I don't know," Nat breathed. "But we hafta tell Papa so he can start to do something for Harmony and look for whoever did this."

Slouchy nodded, standing slowly and dashed-for once- back to the village, Nat following behind.

It took them some time to find Papa smurf. But when they did, they almost didn't want to find him. He was in Painter's studio, where another atrocity had been committed. "Smurfaroo..." Slouchy murmured under his breath, "Poor Painter..."

"Whoever killed Harmony must have killed Painter, too," Nat muttered. "I guess the bright side is that's two Smurfs ruled out now."

"I guess..." Slouchy muttered in return, looking sick to his stomach. "but there's something different about this..." he got closer to Painter, seeing his face twisted in agony. "Harmony was killed with his own trumpet shoved down his throat... Painter looks like his throat was cut... But there's nothing sharp enough around..." he looked around and noticed a small purple book with the words 'Quotations of Brainy Smurf' over the cover. "What's this doing here?"

Nat looked at it. "I don't know," he said. "You don't think Brainy is the killer, do you, Slouchy?"

Slouchy stared down at the ground. "Honestly, Nat, one day ago I didn' think ANYsmurf could be capable of this..."

Before any of them could say anything, Papa smurf approached them. "Slouchy! Nat! What'd I say about this!" he demanded. "I TOLD both of you to forget this."

"But Papa..." Slouchy looked up at the leader. "Painter isn't the only smurf now..." He looked up at the painting. "Harmony... Harmony's the smurf in that picture. Whoever killed Painter killed Harmony too. And it WAS a smurf."

Nat nodded. "Y-yeah... W-we came to tell you... S-somesmurf STRANGLED him with his own trumpet..."

Papa smurf froze right where he stood. "Good God..." he murmured, "What has this world smurfed to...?"

He was very quiet for a moment as Slouchy stood. "Take me to him." he said quietly, "I need to examine him for myself."

"Ok..." Slouchy said, "But we gotta be a part'a this case! Harmony and Painter were our friends too."

"Please," Nat added quickly, shooting a glare at Slouchy.

"No." Papa smurf shook his head firmly, "This is too dangerous for smurflings to be involved."

"But Papa smurf, we-"

"NO BUTS, Slouchy!" Papa smurf's voice was firm. "Now, show me where Harmony's body is, and stay in the bunkhouse."

"Alright, Papa smurf..." Slouchy replied, not sounding deterred in the least.

Nat rolled his eyes and took the lead, retracing their trail back to Harmony's lifeless, unmoving body. "Great Smurfs..." Papa smurf murmured, kneeling down next to the unmoving corpse.

Papa smurf slowly brought his fingertips over Harmony's wide eyes, bringing the eyelids down so they were closed. "No one can harm you anymore, my little smurf..." the leader murmured softly, "Nat, Slouchy. Go get Dabbler so he can remove this trumpet..."

"Yes, Papa," Nat murmured, turning to dash towards the village again with Slouchy hot on his heels.

"He's hiding something from us." Slouchy murmured softly, glancing back at the elderly smurf suspiciously. "There's something he's not telling us about all this."

"Yeah," Nat agreed dully. "He doesn't trust us because we're Smurflings... If you ask me, he already knows who the murderer is, he just needs proof."

"I dunno..." Slouchy shook his head, "there wasn' any evidence pointing to ANYone with ANY of those deaths... With th' exception of Brainy's book..."

"Yeah, but you never know; he knows nearly everything about everysmurf. Maybe he found something we didn't, or saw something we didn't think was important, and it pointed to somesmurf."

"I KNOW we didn't miss something." Slouchy said firmly, "I KNOW for a FACT we didn't miss anything. I wish I knew what it was we're not seeing..."

Slouchy looked at Nat in the face. "I don't know a lot right now. Bu' I DO know that Brainy has at least something to do with it. Whether he was there right before, or even during... we have to talk t' him."

"Yeah, but we have to go get Dabbler first, then actually track down the smarty smurf," Nat pointed out.

"Yeah..." Slouchy said, "I think he's at the infirmary, he said that's where he was taking Painter."

"Yeah, let's go," Nat said, turning in the direction of the infirmary and quickening his pace.

Slouchy nodded and followed Nat to the infirmary. They hastily entered, seeing Dabbler tending to Painter's stripped body. The doctor smurf turned around, seeing the boys, and drew a sheet over the body. "How can I help you boys today?" he said grimly.

"H-Harmony's dead, too," Nat explained. "P-Papa wanted us to get you so y-you can r-remove his trumpet from his throat..."

Dabbler shivered. "Great smurfs..." he murmured. "What has this world smurfed to...?"

Dabbler pulled the sheet the rest of the way over Painter's face, and took his doctor's bag from the counter. Slouchy eyed the covered lump. "Was there anything else you found out?" he asked calmly.

Dabbler nodded. "Yes." he replied. "There's a fracture in the skull, just above the hat line. It looks as though he was struck with some kind of pointed object BEFORE his throat was slashed."

Slouchy shivered slightly. "Thanks, Dabbler."

Dabbler nodded and dashed out the door. "Well... I guess Dabbler doesn't share the same thoughts as Papa." Slouchy shrugged, moving the blanket slightly so just Painter's neck and head were visible.

"Hey," Nat said, looking at the wound to Painter's head, "what's that little bit of white stuff? In the cut?"

"I don't know..." Slouchy squinted slightly.

The smurfling took a pair of forceps from the counter, and plucked the white bit from the wound. "It looks like canvas..."

"He was hit with one of his paintings?" Nat marveled. "Why? To knock him out, or something?"

"I think it was to incaparib... incapaki..." Slouchy shook his head slightly, "To make it so he couldn't do anything. Maybe he was trying to fight back or something?"

"Incapacitate," Nat supplied helpfully. "And yeah, I'd fight too if somesmurf was trying to kill me!"

"Yeah, that." Slouchy nodded. "I dunno, something tells me Painter didn't KNOW whoever it was was trying t' kill him until it actually happened." Slouchy shook his head again, and pulled the sheet back over the unmoving artist's face. "We need to talk to Brainy. Maybe he can tell us something about this."

Before Nat could reply, the door opened again, and Papa smurf entered, he and Dabbler carrying Harmony on a stretcher. "You two! What are you doing in here!"

"Just- smurfing our respects, Papa smurf." Slouchy replied quickly.

"Y-yeah," Nat said quickly, bowing his head.

"Fine... Then you can pay your respects day after tomorrow at the funeral." Papa smurf said solemnly, quickly putting Harmony's body down on a bed next to Painter. "In the meantime, you two go back to the bunkhouse, and don't come out. It's not safe to be out by yourselves."

Nat considered mentioning the canvas, but decided against it and trotted out the door after Slouchy.

* * *

**Chi: Well, two deaths in one chapter, aren't we just moving right along?**

**Aiko: I don't think killing off more smurfs means more progress, Chisette -.-**

**Chi: *smacks her with a rolled up newspaper* I DO WHAT I WANT BIACH! **

**Aiko: -.-; ANYWAYS… Don't forget to comment and review. Because Reviews are better than sugar cookies with pepsi.**

**Chi: and people think I can be gross… -.-**

**Aiko: We'll see you soon!**

* * *

**Translations:**

_**La lune, trop bleme,  
pose un diadème  
sur tes cheveux roux.  
La lune, trop rousse,  
de gloire éclabousse  
ton jupon plein de trous.  
La lune, trop pâle,  
caresse l'opale  
de tes yeux blasés.  
Princesse de la rue,  
sois la bienvenue  
dans mon coeur brisé... **_

**The moon, too white  
Puts a tiara  
On your red hair  
The moon, too red  
With gorey splashes  
Your ragged underskirt  
The moon, too pale  
Caresses the opal  
Of your indignant eyes  
Princess of the street  
Be welcome  
In my broken heart- Complainte De La Butte- Rufus Wainright**

_**Fils d'un schtroumpf**_**" – Son of a smurf**

_**Abruti**_**- moron**

_**Je ne comprends pas, pourquoi faites-vous cela?! Qu'est-ce que je peux faire pour vous?!- **_**I do not understand****, why ****are you doing this****?! ****What****can I****do for you****!**

**"**_**s'il vous plaît, pourquoi faites-vous ça?! Je pensais que nous étions amis!- **_**Please****, why ****are you doing this****?, I ****thought we were****friends****!**

_**Qu'ai-je fait pour mériter cela?!- **_**What have I done ****to deserve this?****!**

_**Vous voir dans**__**enfer**_**- See you in hell**


	3. Only Crime

**Chi: Hullo!~ Be warned, this chapter has some unsmurfy language, and is a SAD chapter. SAD, SAD, SAD, SAD…. *goes into a corner and starts planting little mushrooms like Tamaki Suoh from Ouran High School Host Club* Why so freaking sad…? Why cant this damn author be happy and fluffy for once… why sad…?**

**Aiko: Quit your moping and keep on introducing, Chi-Chi!**

**Chi: I don't wanna. YOU do it! T_T**

**Aiko: *rolls eyes* I swear, I'm working with a five year old…**

* * *

Jokey and Brainy walked through the village, on their way to Papa smurf's lab. They happened to pass by Greedy's kitchen, where Sassette and Snappy were enjoying ice cream. "HER." Tobias hissed in Jokey's ear. "SHE needs to learn to be appreciative."

"Yeah," Jokey smirked slightly. "How, though...?"

Brainy's eyes darted between Jokey's and the smurflings. "Jokey, you can't be serious!" his voice was low, panicky. "They're just smurflings! You can't do something like that to one of them!"

"Hmm... Maybe he's right," Jokey murmured to Tobias. "Maybe someone else..."

"NO." Tobias's voice was deadly, terrifying. "HER. Or ELSE."

"You don't have to do this, Jokey!" Brainy said, grabbing the other's arm. "They're just KIDS!"

"Well, how, though...?" Jokey asked. "It doesn't have to be TOO painful, right...?"

Just as Tobias was about to answer, Sassette rose from her seat and started towards the door, murmuring something about an upset stomach and going back to the bunkhouse. "NOW" Tobias growled, digging a sharp fingernail in Jokey's shoulder.

Jokey didn't think twice; he lunged for Sassette, pinning the red haired Smurfling to the wall. "Now what?" He growled to Tobias, holding the surprised Smurfling by her shoulders.

"J-Jumpin' Junebugs! W-What's going on?!" Sassette's eyes were wide and terrified, struggling slightly. "Th-this isn't funny, let me go!"

"I don't care how, just get her somewhere else and shut her up!" Tobias growled poisonously, "She's going to ruin EVERYTHING!"

Brainy stood there, knees shaking slightly, unsure what to do, lest he risk his throat being next on the chopping block. Jokey grabbed Sassette by her throat and began dragging her away. "Shut up, Sassy, shut up!"

Sassette shook and fought as Jokey dragged her, trying to pry his large hands from her throat. "Wh-WHY Jokey?!" she squeaked, her desperate eyes welling up with tears. "P-Please, let me go!"

"NO, Sassy," Jokey spat coldly. "You need to learn just how precious your life is!"

"W-Wha'd'you mean, Jokey?!" Sassette looked confused and terrified, "W-w-what're you going t' do t' me...?!"

"Don't worry, Sassette," Jokey sneered, throwing her to the ground and ripping off her hair ribbons, tying them into a sort of makeshift noose, "it's just a little prank..."

"Th-This prank isn't funny, Jokey!" Sassette cried, trying to scramble away, holding her hair gingerly. "B-Brainy, H-help me!"

Brainy stood there, hands shaking wildly, eyes wide. "I-I-!"

Jokey expertly wrapped the noose around Sassette's neck and began to pull on the end of one of the ribbons, much the way one would to untie a shoelace, causing the loop to get smaller and begin to constrict around her throat.

Sassette's eyes were wide as she desperately tried to claw the ribbons from her throat. "AACK- P-PLEASE J-JOKEY-!" her voice was squeaky as her face started changing colors. "W-WHATEVER I WAS S-S-SPOSED T' LEARN, I LEARNED IT NOW, P-P-PLEASE-"

"No, Sassette, you haven't," Jokey spat, pulling the noose still tighter, cutting off er air supply and making it impossible for her to breathe.

Sassette squirmed and fought, desperately clawing at the ribbons around her neck, her face dark purple. Brainy turned around, not wanting to see a moment more. sickening moments ticked by, and at last the young smurfling's desperate struggles ceased to nothing.

Brainy turned back around slowly, walking quickly to where Sassette laid. "Sassy..." he murmured, kneeling down to the ground, smoothing her hair out of her face. "Oh, Sassy..."

Jokey was laughing like a loon. "You were right; that WAS funny!"

"What is WRONG with you?!" Brainy finally spoke up, glaring right at Jokey. "You just KILLED a smurfling! A smurfling whose only crime was not understanding WHY!"

Brainy quickly stood, gently placing Sassette's head down. "I'm not going to smurf by and watch you do this for a second longer!" he said firmly, eyes glinting underneath his dark rimmed glasses. "I'm telling Papa smurf... NOW."

Jokey's far became hard again, and he held up the letter opener. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Brainy."

"So kill me then!" Brainy replied bravely, shaking slightly, "I-I'm not going to watch another second of this! Haven't you no conscious?! Do you feel sorry for ANY of this!?"

"If it weren't for those potions, I'd say to kill him now," Tobias mumbled, "His preachiness is getting SO annoying."

"I can't prank you yet," Jokey spat. "I still need those potions of yours, Geeky."

"Then DON'T prank me!" Brainy said plainly, "Come on, Jokey... This doesn't have to be this way. There's something wrong with you, maybe Papa can help!"

"The letter opener!" Tobias used his nails to scratch Jokey's side where the blade was hidden, "For god's sake, you idiot! Threaten him with that damn thing!"

Jokey winced, then took out the letter opener, advancing on the brainiac. "I think," Jokey hissed softly, "you should just do as you're told."

Brainy was very still for a minute. but his eyes quickly went to Sassette's body. "O-Okay..." he murmured softly. "I-I will..."

There was a slight pause between them. "Can I at least... just... have a minute first...?" he said quietly, kneeling next to the child again.

"I guess it's okay," Jokey decided. "It's not like I have a deadline!" He began cackling madly; this was so much fun!

Brainy averted his eyes from Jokey's, and used one hand to smooth Sassette's long red hair out of her face. "I'm sorry, Sassette," he murmured softly, "I wish I could've helped you... I wish I wasn't such a coward..." Brainy gently closed her eyes, and folded her hands over her stomach, making her look as respectable as he could. "Alright... Fine..." Brainy stood slowly, wiping his glasses on his pants to clean the dust from them. "Let's go, then..."

Jokey nodded, still holding the letter opener and giving the brilliant Smurf a cold glare.

* * *

Even after searching nearly the entire village as well as the forest just behind the village, the smurfling boys found neither hide nor smurf of Brainy. This, therefore, left them right back at square one: no suspect, and no motive. "I'm getting hungry..." Slouchy muttered, "How about we go get a snack at Greedy's, and we'll figure things out a little from there?"

"Sounds good to me," Nat agreed. "Man, I hate this; I keep expecting the smurfing killer to jump out and try to slit our throats!"

"I dunno." Slouchy shook his head and watched the forest ground as they walked back to the village, "Assuming that Gargamel and Azrael were killed by the same killer as Harmony and Painter, These kills all seem... Opportunistic, I guess... I don't think the killer is gonna go back to the forest for some time... Plus on top of that, I don't think that this killer would come at the TWO of us. Except for Gargamel and Azrael, all these kills have been with nobody else around presumably... I don't think he'd try and come after us BOTH."

"Yeah, I guess there's strength in numbers. We should probably find Snappy and Sassy, make sure they don't get caught by him."

"Yeah." Slouchy nodded. "I'd feel a lot better knowing they're out of this guy's sights."

They soon reached the village, and Greedy's kitchen. Snappy was still in the kitchen, munching away at a large chocolate chip cookie when Slouchy and Nat found him. "Snappy?" Slouchy felt his heart drop into his stomach, "Where's Sassette? Wasn't she with you?

"No," said Snappy, looking confused. "She said she was tired and that she had a headache, and that she was going to lie down in the bunkhouse. Why?"

"Am I the only one who has a bad feeling about this?" Nat asked, whimpering.

Slouchy shook his head, the lump in his throat not letting him say anything. As if his feet had a mind of their own, Slouchy dashed out the door, calling her name. "Sassette! Sassette! Where are you?!" He went behind Greedy's kitchen- there was a shortcut to the bunk house from there- and his heart practically froze in his chest. "S-Sassette..."

"N-no," Snappy choked. "She... She can't be... She can't be-!"

"Oh, Sassy... Oh, Sassy, I'm so sorry this happened to you..."

Slouchy's breath stuttered as he neared the body of the girl he used to call one of his best friends, and fell to his knees. His words were laced with tears and sadness as he gently hugged her around her shoulders, half-holding her over his lap. "G-Go get Papa smurf!" he wailed. "N-No, Sassy, no, no, no, no, no...!"

Nat turned, dashing back toward the infirmary, leaving Slouchy and Snappy with Sassette. "PAPA SMURF!" He wailed loudly, "PAPA SMURF! SASSY'S DEAD! SASSY'S DEAD!"

Papa smurf turned around sharply, seeing Nat standing in the doorway in a panic. quickly his nurturing instincts took over, and he wrapped the distressed smurfling in a tight hug. "Calm down a little, Nat!" he said softly, "It's okay, shh... shh... just calmly tell me where she is now."

"B-behind Greedy's kitchen, on th-the way to the b-bunkhouse," Nat managed, before breaking down into distressed sobs.

"Stay here with Dabbler." Papa told him, rushing off in the direction of Greedy's kitchen, soon finding the smurflings. "Oh, Sassette..."

Slouchy did not even look up at the sound of Papa smurf's voice. He kept his eyes down, down at Sassette's lifeless little body, shaking slightly, voice reduced to breathy sobs.

"Sh-she was just going to go sleep in the bunkhouse cause'a her headache... If I-I'd known she was gonna get hurt, I wouldn't have let her go by herself, Papa!"

Papa smurf wrapped Snappy in a comforting hug, fighting his own tears. "I know, my little smurf...But there was no way you could've known, Snappy...there was no way ANYsmurf could've known..." his voice hitched slightly, "B-but... at least, she isn't in any pain anymore..."

Snappy whimpered. "I still coulda helped... I didn't mean ta let her die, Papa!"

"It wasn't your fault, Snappy." Papa told him firmly, "There's nothing we could have done to prevent this..."

"No..."

Papa smurf looked over at the smurfling that had spoken at last. "There WAS something that could've been done." Slouchy's voice sounded pained and filled with a certain kind of resentment none of them could name. "If you'd just let me n' Nat in on what's going on, maybe we could've found th' killer BEFORE he came after Sassy!"

"Slouchy..." Snappy murmured, staring at his friend in shock, "you don't know that..."

"I DO!" The grief struck smurfling's anger resounded in his voice. "H-He tried t' keep us in the dark about all this, and now Sassy's DEAD because of it!" Slouchy kept his face over the younger smurfling's unmoving body. "I... I c-could've figgered out who it was quicker...I c-could've saved her... S-Sassette..."

"It's not Papa's fault Sassy's dead," Snappy said firmly, "it's whoever killed her! It's whoever was sick enough to choke her with her hair ribbons... Sassy died because of that Smurf, not Papa!"

The smurfling in the red shirt wanted to fight more. He wanted to point a finger at somebody, right then, right there. He wanted a face to hate, a name to curse, a being to receive damnation right then and there. But unfortunately, there was no one Slouchy knew to blame then. No one except for Papa, and himself. "Sassette..." the smurfling whimpered, "God, Sassette..."

Cautiously at first, Papa smurf stepped towards the mourning smurfling, and put a hand to his shoulder. "She wouldn't want you to be so angry with yourself, Slouchy." He spoke softly, "It's not your fault. It's not your fault, it's not mine, or Snappy's. It's whoever did this. No one else is to blame for this."

Snappy turned to Papa with tear-filled eyes. "You hafta hav SOME idea'a who did this, don'tcha, Papa?"

Papa smurf tensed noticeably. "I can't tell for sure yet, Snappy." The leader smurf shook his head. "In the meantime, let's get Sassette to the infirmary with the others."

It was many hours before Slouchy and the smurflings were calm enough to speak about the case again. "S-Sassette..." Slouchy murmured softly, running a hand over the smurfling's pale face, "H-her body... it was different from the rest... Almost like... Whoever did this had r-remorse, or something..."

"What do you mean?" Snappy asked, seeing as he hadn't seen the other corpses.

"Gargamel... Azrael... Painter... Harmony..." Slouchy murmured, eyes dull, "the way they were when we found them, it looked like the killer didn't have a shred of remorse, or anything. Like they were all just garbage or something." Slouchy forced himself to look at Snappy and Nat. "Sassette... she was different... she was placed all neat, hands over her stomach, eyes closed... it was like, the killer had a change of heart, or something... like he actually felt SORRY about killing her..."

"You're right," said Nat, realizing. "I didn't notice at the time, but you're right!"

"I don't know how it's supposed to help from here..." Slouchy murmured gloomily, "But it's something, at least..."

"It's better than nothing," Nat agreed. "This person has SOME conscience."

"I don't know about that." Slouchy replied, "Besides, it doesn't really help us find whoever did this..."

"True," Nat said. "I was going to suggest a soft spot for Sassette, or Smurflings in general, but that's just about everysmurf here." He shuddered. "Except Architect."

"Yeah, I guess..." Slouchy shook his head, "Architect doesn't fit the profile though... He's an unsmurfy jerkface, but he's not the smurf that'd do something like this. Besides, I remember seeing him working on Smurfette's house when Papa said the killer was killing Gargamel and Azrael."

"I know," Nat said quickly. "He doesn't seem like the type to make Sassette look nice after killing her; that's what I meant."

"Hmm..." Slouchy put a hand to his chin and scrunched his eyebrows in thought. "Going off the soft spot theory, I can only think of a couple smurfs: Farmer, Smurfette, Handy, and Jokey. but he doesn't really count, because he just likes getting us to help him with pranks." Slouchy stood from the seat next to Sassette, and turned to Nat and Snappy completely, "Here's another question, though. Why kill Sassette at all? if this killer has a soft spot for us smurflings, why would he go after one of us at all?"

"Maybe he was doing something that proved he was the killer," Snappy suggested. "Like she saw him with the knife that killed Painter, maybe."

Slouchy looked back at Sassette. "What if they're just... Fer no reason whatsoever?" the red-shirted smurfling shivered. "Or worse just... Fer _fun_...?"

"I don't like the idea, but I think you're right... Whoever s doing this is crazy," Nat whispered.

"Crazy... or maybe affected by magic!" Slouchy made the realization, "Snappy, didn't Gargamel have a potion with him?"

"I think so," said Snappy, trying to remember. "I'm not sure..."

"I think we need to investigate more..." Slouchy murmured, looking down at the ground. "Snappy, you sit vigil for Sassette... Dabbler's probably going to be around all day, so you won't be alone. Nat n' I are going back to the forest to see if Gargamel did have a potion."

"If you say so," Snappy replied, grateful for a reason to be left out of the whole mess.

Slouchy hesitated for a moment, keeping his gaze on Sassette. "I... I'm sorry..." he murmured, walking out the door, Nat following close behind.

"It wasn't your fault, Slouchy," he said. "We realized too late Smurfs alone were in danger. Sassy wouldn't blame you."

"Yeah... I know..." the red-shirted smurfling shook his head quietly, "I just... I wish I cou'da said goodbye... the last time we ever saw her 'live, we had no idea..." his voice choked slightly with tears. "Jus' like we didn' know we'd never see Harmony or Painter 'live again..."

"Y-yeah," Nat agreed, feeling a pang as he remembered that Slouchy felt something a bit stronger than friendship for the Smurfling Smurfette. "Come on, let's go see what we can find."

* * *

Jokey was snickering. "It was too funny, the way she squirmed around! Great idea!"

Brainy shivered as he listened to Jokey. He felt absolutely sick to his stomach. He'd just watched somesmurf be KILLED. a SMURFLING, even! Brainy wondered to himself how he would ever be forgiven for not helping... "Th-the potions are almost ready..." Brainy spoke quietly, "Jokey... this isn't you... something's really not right with you, let me HELP you!"

"NO," Jokey spat darkly. "Finish them. Now."

Brainy cringed noticeably, but finished the potions, pouring them into small vials. "H-here. Two paralyzers and an acidic potion..."

"He's holding out on us!" Tobias hissed in Jokey's ear, "Get more out of him!"

"I NEED MORE," Jokey spat, glaring at him in an intimidating manner.

Brainy put his hands up defensively, "That's all the ingredients I had!" he said, "There ISN'T any more!"

"He's LYING!" Tobias dug his fingernails in Jokey's shoulder, "He's just trying to get you unaware so he can prank YOU!"

"TELL THE TRUTH," Jokey snarled fiercely.

"_**I AM!**_" Brainy insisted loudly.

"_**HE'S LYING!**_" Tobias growled loudly, digging his talon-like fingernails into Jokey's shoulder, hard enough to make him bleed. "_**HE'S WITH THAT FUCKING PAPA SMURF! HE'S GOING TO TATTLE ON US JOKEY! **__**YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM!"**_

Jokey growled. "You can't be trusted," he snarled, grabbing the book Brainy had been reading from. "Time for me to prank YOU, Brainy..."

"N-NO PLEASE!" Brainy's voice was a desperate squeak. "I d-don't wanna die!"

"Too late!" Jokey backed Brainy into a wall, forcing his mouth open with one hand and shoving pages torn out of the spell book into his mouth. Brainy fought and squirmed, desperately trying to get away, or at least spit out the papers in his mouth. Jokey glared at the apprentice. "Bye bye, Brainy," hissed the prankster gone mad, shoving him into a closet of potions ingredients and locking the door.

There was a loud crash and clatter behind the door, which sounded something like a small landslide of some sort. "Run!" Tobias squeaked, sounding anxious, though excited at the same time.

Jokey turned, grabbing the three potions and dashing out the front door.

Once they had gotten a good distance away from the lab, Tobias spoke again. "That was close," he said, a certain dark tone in his voice. "That was TOO close. if you'd let him get away, you would've been TOAST."

"Yeah, he almost convinced me," Jokey panted. "Good thing you were there. Who should we prank next?"

* * *

Tracker smiled at Tailor and kissed his mate's head. "I gotta go, Tai," he smiled. "Got a few chores to do. I'll be back soon, okay?"

Tailor smiled tiredly up at his mate. "Arright, Ahuvi." He said, sticking a pin in the cushion around his wrist. "I might not see you at dinner, I have to get these done before tomorrow, I'll have to smoif an all-nighter t' finish 'em." he looked down at the suits and smurfling sized summer dress. "I just... I can't believe it's really happening..."

Tracker nodded as well. "Me either, Tai... But they aren't hurting anymore." He kissed Tailor's temple. "I'll bring you dinner; you can't smurf an all-nighter with an empty stomach, Tai!"

Tailor sighed quietly and smiled up at Tracker. "Thanks, Ahuvi. You're really too good to me, you know that?"

"Heh, naw," Tracker disagreed playfully. "It's YOU who's too good to ME!"

"Well, you're the one that's helping me quit smoking," Tailor smirked, tapping him on the nose playfully. "Therefore, you're better t'me than I am t'you."

"Yeah, well," Tracker smiled sheepishly, "you're the one who gave the village homophobe a chance, remember?"

"I did," Tailor hummed slightly, plucking a pin from his hat and sticking it in the sleeve of one of the suits. "and if YOU remember right, I turned you down flat the first three times... until you could prove you weren't just going t' smoif me in the back n' smoif a fool outta me."

"Yeah," Tracker agreed. "I deserved it, though. And now look!" He nuzzled Tailor playfully. "You WUV me~!"

Tailor smirked a little and rolled his eyes. "Don't you have chores to finish, Chamoole?" he asked playfully.

"Yeah, I do, don't I?" Tracker grinned. "I will see you here at dinner time. And no smoking; we want that habit broken before the baby comes!" The Smurf added, walking to the door.

"Aw, cut me a little slack, Ahuvi!" Tailor sighed slightly, plucking another pin from his hat and placing it in the same sleeve as the last. "We agreed we were going to wait a couple months..." His eyes had a certain fear in them "And besides, the killer might not even be found by then! I don't want to bring our baby girl into a world with a ruthless killer on the loose!"

"I know, I know, and we won't do that to her," Tracker said quickly. "But pretty soon, whoever's smurfing this will mess up and she'll be safe to come in a few months. But fine, I limit you to two smokes. No more!"

"Oy vai!" Tailor put a hand to his heart in a joking manner, "Two cigarettes for an all nighter? Are you TRYIN' t' kill me?"

"Whaaaat? No, never! Then who would put up with me and my 'let have a little girl' talk?" Tracker asked jokingly as he left. "See you, Tai!"

"Bye, Ahuvi!" Tailor rubbed his forehead slightly, shaking a cigarette from the pack sitting on the table. "What am I gonna DO with him...?"

* * *

Tobias made a disgusted noise. "Egh! It smells like smoke over here!"

"Ick, what is it, anyway?" Jokey asked.

"Agreed," Jokey nodded. "Ugh, Tailor. Definitely! I heard him and Tracker talking about having a baby girl! But no way if he's gonna poison her!"

"There's no way he should be allowed to bring a KID into that!" Tobias huffed.

"No kidding," Jokey spat. "Why bring kid into the world then torture it by poisoning it with that filth all the time?!"

"Yeah, two guys can't have a friggin' Kid!" Tobias snorted indignantly. "It just ain't natural!"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Jokey asked, cocking his head to the side and giving the imp a quizzical look.

"Tracker's a guy right?" Tobias asked, disgust in his voice. "Tailor, as much of a wuss as he is, he's a guy too. Two guys is just- gross. It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Little queer deserves exactly what's comin' to him."

"I guess you're right," Jokey agreed, sneaking into Tailor's shop.

"Of course I'm right, Jokey," Tobias replied matter of factly. "I'm ALWAYS right."

Tailor hadn't even noticed their entrance. He simply took a long breath from his cigarette- the first and only he'd had since he spoke with Tracker- and continued working on the suits and dress.

"You shouldn't do that," Jokey said softly. "It's like everything else about you- WRONG."

Tailor jumped out of surprise, instinctively squashing his cigarette in the ashtray across the table. "Oh, it's just you, Jokey." he breathed a slight sigh of relief. "What on Eoith are ya smoifin' about, 'everythin' else about me'?"

"Like you having a boyfriend, and wanting a baby... Why a girl?" He added softly, glaring at Tailor. "Why do you want a Smurfette so badly?"

Tailor's heart felt heavy in his chest. He knew to expect those kinds of comments. About loving another smurf, about wanting a baby. But that didn't make them hurt any less. "T-Tracker's idea," he mumbled, "H-he said he'd always wanted a little girl... b-because he wants someone he can absosmoifly spoil... P-plus, Papa's told us a million times how much more work raisin' boys kin' be..."

"It's sick," Jokey spat. "Girls should have a MOTHER, not just a wuss of a father."

Tailor cringed visibly, fighting tears. "I-I'm s-sorry you feel that way." He said, trying to keep his voice even, "B-but it's not your decision. It's mine and Tracker's decision whether or not we have our daughter."

"It's about time someone taught you a lesson," Jokey spat, his glare becoming colder and more demonic. "But just how to teach it..."

"T-teach me a lesson?" Tailor looked up at him, feeling an odd pain in his gut, "What're you smoifin' about?"

"He's going to try and get away," Tobias warned him, "You'd better do something, fast."

Jokey jumped, grabbing Tailor's shoulder and dragging him to the ground before glancing in the direction of the evil imp's voice. "Now what?" He demanded. "What should I do to him?"

"He's a tailor," the imp replied, "well, I've heard of people having to be _sewn into their clothes..._if you get my drift?"

Tailor's eyes widened and his face grew pale. "Oh my god." he almost whispered, "YOU'RE the killer!" he began struggling and fighting with all his might, "H-HELP! S-SOMEBODY! THE KILLER HAS ME, SOMEBODY PLEASE!"

Jokey clamped a hand over Tailor's mouth and sat on him so his knees were on his chest. "Sounds like a plan... Think this calls for a paralysis potion? He's fighting too much to really start."

Tailor tried desperately to be heard behind Jokey's hand, kicking, clawing, trying anything to get away. "Yeah, little fag's never gonna sit still." Tobias rolled his eyes. "Man, I wonder if he's getting some kind of a sick pleasure having you on his chest right now? What a freak!"

"Smurf, I hope not," Jokey hissed, taking the paralysis potion and quickly moving his hand to pour it down Tailor's throat. "Heh, wonder how your queer mate will react when he sees what we have planned for you!"

Tailor gagged on the potion, trying unsuccessfully to spit it out. All at once, his joints seemed to lock straight, making it so he couldn't move a muscle. "W-w-what're you going t-to do to me?" Tailor's voice squeaked in fear, body trembling slightly.

Jokey glanced at the suit for Harmony, which was about Tailor's size. "I'm going to sew you up," he cackled evilly.

Tailor's face paled significantly, until he was as white as the dress shirt that went with the suit. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was just supposed to finish the suits for Harmony and Painter, and the dress for Sassette, then go to bed with his love, his Ahuvi. He wasn't supposed to be another one of his victims. He wasn't supposed to be another add to the body count. He was supposed to be a father. He was supposed to quit smoking and raise a family. He wasn't supposed to die like this, at the hands of some maniac!

Tailor's breath stuttered, and tears threatened behind his closed eyelids as he silently prayed Tracker would come through that door and save him, come be his hero, save him from this terrible fate.

Jokey selected a needle and began sewing Tailor's arm to the sleeve of Harmony's coat. "This is what you get for having a Smurf for a mate, and for wanting a baby girl," Jokey sneered.

The sewing smurf's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. It hurt to stick yourself with a needle. But it was something unbearable when it actually went _through_ the skin. Jokey wasn't being merciful about it, either. He was sewing deep. Deep enough that the marks bled slightly.

Tailor screamed. He screamed like he'd never screamed before. Enough that eventually he even passed out. "Fucking queer," Tobias shook his head and gave Jokey a syringe. "Adrenaline. Use it to wake him up. He has to feel everything for the lesson to work."

Jokey nodded, quickly sticking the stings in a vein on Tailor's arm and reading the plunger down. "Ah, ah, ah," he said as Tailor's eyes opened. "You don't want to sleep through all our fun, do you?"

At first, Tailor was absolutely energized. His heart pounded wildly, he felt as though he could escape. That fear was quickly replaced with the terrible fear and realization of his fate. "Why, J-Jokey?" he whimpered sadly, close to tears, "I never did anything to you... S-Sewin' me up like this ain't g-gonna s-smoif me straight..."

"That's fine," Jokey purred. "At least it teaches you that the rest of us don't want to see you two hold hands or kiss and get lovey dovey. And it gives you a taste of what's coming to you after all this, and what you would have put that little girl through."

Jokey began sewing the other arm into the jacket and smirked. "You wouldn't want to put HER through this hell, would you, Tailor?"

Tailor stared sadly, his eyes wide. "Y-you bastard! Y-you-!" Tailor sucked a hard breath, tears streaming from his eyes.

"You're the bastard," Joke retorted smoothly. "You were going to bring her into this evil world, weren't you, Tailor?"

Tailor fought the surge of pain with every deep jab of the needle and tried to lock eyes with Jokey. "Th-The only th-thing evil about th-this w-world right now," he said, pausing only to cringe in pain when the prankster-turned-sociopath dug the needle particularly deep, "Is that you're s-still in it."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Jokey sneered. "Just think of it this way, Tai... You're doing this so your wittle daughter doesn't. It's a good thing you and Tracker haven't had her yet or I'd be forced to be doing this to HER."

Tailor stared at him, pure, unadulterated fear in his eyes. He was serious. Dead serious. If Tailor wasn't the one to die today, his unborn daughter would have been. "Y-you-!" he cringed from pain, still trying to get free of the paralysis potion, then tried to look at him with as much hate as he could muster, "I h-hope when you s-s-smoif Judgement, He sentences you t-to the deepest, hottest part'a He'll for what y-you've done."

"Oh no," Jokey growled. "I'm sure that place is reserved for Smurfs like you and Tracker."

Tailor just screamed in reply. For one, he was terrified, but two, he wondered if someone on the outside might hear him. But fear was the main reason. Now not just from what was happening to him, but because of the prospect of going to hell.

For as much as he smoked and swore, and "smurfed", and took his Lord's name in vain, he was mostly very devout in his faith. "Stitch his mouth, and hurry up!" Tobias half shouted, covering his ears, "Someone's gonna hear him!"

Jokey bit the thread he had been using and then stung a new one through the eye of the needle, beginning to stitch Tailor's mouth shut and causing him more pain.

"Should have stayed quiet, you stupid queer," he spat fiercely.

Tailor screamed even louder than before, trying to jerk his face away, do ANYTHING to stop this maniac. It was all for naught though, Tailor's mouth was quickly stitched, and the only thing that could be heard was muffled screams from the poor smurf fearing for his life. "Hurry up and finish already!" Tobias hissed, "It's only a matter of time before someone comes, Stitch up the pants and his eyes, and kill the little faggot already!"

Jokey nodded, quickly sewing Tailor to the pants and stitching his eyes shut. But before he could kill the Smurf before him, he heard the sound of somesmurf opening the door.

"Someone's coming!" He hissed to Tobias, opening the window so he could flee. He had just managed to get outside when Tracker came in.

The Smurf with the red feather dropped the tray of food he'd brought for his mate, horrified. "TAI!" He yelled, running to the Smurf's side, "TAILOR! Tai, no!"

In his heightened state of fear and adrenaline, the terrified smurf could barely differentiate the voice of his would-have-been murderer and his own beloved mate. Tailor screamed-still muffled by the stitches on his mouth-and desperately tried to get away from his mate's gentle touches and horrified voice.

"Tai..." Tracker was shocked; his mate was still alive!

"Tai, it's going to be okay!" Tracker didn't want to leave in case the killer came back to finish his work. Instead, he saw Camper strolling back to his mushroom and yelled, "CAMPER! Camper, get Papa, the killer attacked Tailor!"

Camper jumped slightly, and made a mad dash for Papa's lab. Tailor still struggled and screamed, desperately trying to get away. "DMM KLL MMM!" his voice was muffled, tears seeped from behind the stitches over his eyes, "PLEE DMM KLL MMM!"

Tracker stared down at Tailor in horror; didn't he realize he was about to be rescued?! "Tai, it's Tracker," he said soothingly. "I'm not going to hurt you. Papa's on his way, he's going to help you. Don't worry, Tailor, you're going to be okay..."

"Dnn kll mmm..." Tailor begged, his voice broken into terrified sobs, "Plee dnn kll mmm..."

"I'm not," Tracker insisted, "I'm not going to kill you, you aren't going to die. I promise, Tai, I'm not going to kill you."

"Wn' Ahvi," Tailor sobbed, "Hs gnna get Ahvi...!"

Right at that moment, Papa smurf burst through the door, medical bag tucked under his arm. "Give him some room, Tracker!" the smurf half-shouted, "He can't tell who's who right now, you're scaring him more!"

Tracker jumped out of the elder's way, looking down at his mate worriedly. "He's going to be okay, isn't he?" He begged. "He's got to be okay, he's just got to!"

"He should be alright." Papa smurf assured him, preparing a syringe filled a quarter of the way with some kind if medicine, "Shaken up for quite some time, but otherwise alright."

The elder quickly eased the needle under Tailor's skin, causing the smurf to scream again, trying desperately to be heard. "Quiet, Shh, quiet, my little smurf," Papa smurf hushed the panicking smurf gently, "You're safe now, he can't harm you any more."

There was another few moments, and Tailor's cries became softer and softer, until they were nothing more than a muffled mumble. "Tracker, I need you to get my surgical scissors from my bag." Papa spoke softly, "quickly, now, before the tranquilizer starts to smurf off!"

Tracker quickly retrieved the scissors for Papa, gazing down at his mate with worry. "You're going to be okay, Tai," he whispered softly. "I promise you're going to be okay."

Papa smurf took the scissors from Tracker, snipping the knot of one of the threads and unstringing the whole stitch. He did the same for the pants and the rest of the shirt, leaving the eyes and mouth for last. "Ahuvi," Tailor whimpered, once his mouth was freed, "Ahuvi..."

"I'm right here, Tai," Tracker said soothingly, looking at his mate lovingly but cautious to touch him. "You're going to be okay, he can't hurt you anymore..."

Tailor simply closed his bloodshot eyes, and sobbed quietly, unable to speak another word.

* * *

**Aiko: *smacking Chi* WHAT THE SMURF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!**

**Chi: I'M SORRYYY! I DON'T FIGHT IT WHEN INSPIRATION STRIKES! **

**Aiko: WELL YOU SHOULD! DEAR GOD, EVEN RIVER WAS KINDA CREEPED OUT BY ALL THAT!**

**Chi: are you serious?**

**Aiko: Yeah, true. But after that Criminal Minds episode, I bet she worries about you. **

**Chi: *opens her mouth as if to speak, but says nothing at first* Yeah, you're probably right.**

**Aiko: ANYWAYS, review, comment, favorite, all that jazz. **

**Chi: We'll see you soon! Sooner than you'd like, probably! ^^;**


	4. Fried Blue Tomatoes

**Aiko: Seriously, Chi? Nobody is going to understand today's chapter name! =_=**

**Chi: Hey! I like classic movie references! So sue me!**

**Aiko: I'd sue for that joke, then give it back to the 80s =_=**

**Chi: *goes and pouts in the corner planting mushrooms like Tamaki Suoh again* Why are you so mean to meeee…? 3X**

**Aiko: Do you know me? **

* * *

Nat and Slouchy crept quietly into Papa's lab, making sure not to be seen. "Quiet," Nat hissed, glancing around cautiously. "We don't wanna get caught."

"What, really?" Slouchy's voice was a tad sarcastic, "I thought we were meeting Papa smurf here!"

"Don't be rude," Nat snapped. "I know why you're so upset about Sassy but that doesn't give you the right to be mean."

Slouchy sighed slightly, shoving his hands in his pocket. "I'm sorry... I'm just tired." he rubbed his eyes. "I feel like I grew up thousand years cause'a everythin' going on today... An' I don' like it..."

They searched around for Papa's spell book. "Nat...?" the smurfling in the red shirt asked softly, "do you think that... Once we find whoever did this... That things are ever going to be like they were before...?"

"No," Nat said flatly. "Things won't be the same. Harmony, Painter, and Sassette are all gone, and one of the Smurfs killed them. Things can never be the way they were."

Slouchy looked down to the ground. "I was afraid you'd say that..." he murmured in reply. "I can't find the book... maybe it's in the closet over there?"

Nat shrugged. "It's worth a try," he agreed easily, striding over to the closet and opening the door.

When he opened the door, Nat nearly screamed. Sitting in the supply closet, there was Brainy, glasses broken, arms restrained by fallen potions ingredients, papers still in his mouth.

"B-Brainy," Nat managed to gasp, turning to stare at Slouchy. "I-is he dead?!"

"I dunno," Slouchy replied, dashing over to him and kneeling down.

the red-shirted smurfling put two fingers to Brainy's throat. "I think he is... just unconscious. Maybe something fell on him."

"Yeah, right after he ate paper to get smarter," Nat said sarcastically. "FOR THE LOVE OF SMURF, DOESN'T THIS KILLER TAKE A COFFEE BREAK?!"

"Apparently not," Slouchy retorted smoothly, "I'm surprised though. It seems like once we've found a body, or found some kind of clue, he kills or attacks someone again. between Gargamel, Azrael, Painter, Harmony, Brainy" Slouchy cringed slightly. "And Sassy... that makes at least six attacks in roughly eight hours."

"No kidding," Nat sighed. "Well, at least he never actually managed to KILL Brainy... He's annoying, but I'd miss him. C'mon, we should tell Papa Smurf."

"You don't need to." a familiar, resonating voice from behind spoke, voice laced with a certain reprehensive tone spoke.

Slouchy turned around at the sight. "P-Papa smurf!"

"Uh... We were just... Looking for... A book...?" Nat tried hopefully, though he knew he was digging himself a hole.

Papa smurf crossed his arms, almost glaring down at the smurflings, daring them to lie. "We were looking for a potion," Nat caved at last. "We thought we remembered Gargamel having one."

"Come to think of it..." Papa murmured out loud, but soon looked down at the smurflings again, "we'll search the books in a moment. Nat, go and get the smelling salts from the medicine cabinet. If Brainy's still alive, he'll be able to tell us more than Tailor can at the moment."

"Tailor?! What happened to Tailor?!" Nat demanded.

"He was attacked by the killer." Papa smurf replied simply, "had Tracker been a minute later in bringing him food, it's likely he would not be here now. But he is not very useful to the case at the moment because he seems to be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress, and can barely form a coherent sentence."

"At least he is alive," Nat muttered, dashing to retrieve the smelling salts for the leader.

"Yes..." Papa smurf gazed at Brainy sadly, "although a part of me doubts that he agrees."

Nat brought the smelling salts and handed them to Papa Smurf, watching as he waved them under Brainy's nose and he slowly blinked open his eyes. Brainy coughed a few times, trying to free his arms so he could get the papers from his mouth. Slouchy rushed to his sides, and moved the fallen boxes from the smart smurf. "P-Papa smurf...!" Brainy breathed when he'd finally gotten the papers out of his mouth, "I-is that you!? I-I can't see..." The smurf used his hands to try and find the elder-who in the poor light of the closet looked like nothing more than a shadow.

"Yeah, Papa's here, and Slouchy and me," Nat replied, looking Brainy over. "What happened to you?"

Brainy cringed visibly at Nat's voice, bringing his knees to his chest and covering his face with his arms. "I... Oh, God... I w-w-watched..."

"What? What did you watch?" Nat inquired, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

"I should've stopped him..." Brainy whimpered, curled up in a ball, trying to make himself seem as small as possible, "I should've gone and done something... I should've saved her..."

"You mean... You saw who killed Sassy?! Brainy, who did it?!" Nat demanded.

Slouchy stood there, his mouth hanging open. Brainy saw who killed Sassette, he could help bring him down! "I C-cant..." Brainy whimpered scaredly, "H-he'll s-smurf me t-too..."

"He can't if he thinks you're dead," Nat said. "He probably thought that shoving the papers down your throat and shoving you in the closet did you in. You NEED to tell us; Tailor can't and he's the only other person who didn't die!"

Brainy tried to curl up tighter, desperately trying to tune them out. "Y-you d-don' know what it's l-l-like-!" his breath shuddered, "i-it's l-like he was talking to someone, someone invisible-!"

Slouchy glanced at Nat. "We didn't even consider a partnership. This smurf could be doing the dirty work, and someone else is calling the shots."

"Yeah. But Brainy, they can't hurt you now! You have to tell us so we know who we have to catch! You can't let him get away with killing Sassy, can you?"

The usually bespectacled smurf cringed visibly, and his voice became even less than a mumble. "J...Jokey..."

"...Jokey...?" Nat murmured, before sighing. "We should have known... Especially with all the pranks he Smurfed this morning..."

"But even that doesn't mean he'd intentionally HURT somesmurf, right Papa sm-" Slouchy had looked over at the elder for support, finding him looking absolutely pale in the face. "Papa smurf?"

"WOULD he intentionally hurt somesmurf, Papa?" Nat asked, feeling confused.

Papa shook his head slightly, eyes to the ground. "I don't know, Nat." he replied, exhaling deeply, "now I want you two to take Brainy to the infirmary to make sure he doesn't have any other injuries. Go out the back and keep to the forest. We can't let the killer know we found Brainy, or else his life could be in jeopardy."

"Bu' what're you going t' do, Papa smurf?" Slouchy asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I have to speak with Greedy." he said plainly, turning off a few of the burners that had been left to boil potions, "Remember... STAY in the infirmary."

The group snuck towards the infirmary along the edge of the forest, keeping to the shadows.

* * *

At last they entered the mushroom, finding Tailor lying in a bed while Dabbler looked over his injuries, Tracker sitting beside him and cooing soft words of comfort to him. "Who's there?" He demanded, sensing their presence.

"Nat, Slouchy, and Brainy," Nat replied, directing Brainy to a bed. "Brainy was attacked too."

Tailor whimpered as they passed by the bed, hiding his face in his pillow, facing away from Tracker, just as he had since they brought him to the infirmary.

"Dear smurfness!" Dabbler shook his head, "At least he got away... give me a minute to finish disinfecting and wrapping these, and I'll go look at him next."

"No need, I'm fine." Brainy mumbled hiding his face away from the dimming light. "Just a migraine... he didn't do any damage with the papers, though."

Slouchy and Nat left Brainy's bedside to where Snappy still sat vigil for their fallen friend. "Hey..." Slouchy mumbled unenthusiastically.

"Hey," Snappy replied dully. "Find anything?"

"Naw," Nat shrugged, "just the name of the killer... Brainy says it was Jokey."

Tracker's ears pricked at the name of the Smurf that ha done this to his beloved mate, but he ignored it and continued murmuring his soft words to Tailor. "You're gonna be okay, Tai," he cooed quietly, watching the Smurf sadly. "I promise I'll help you through this... You won't be alone, I swear, Tai."

"There's something weird about all this though," Slouchy glared at the ground, deep in thought. "Brainy said that it was like he was talking to someone else... like. someone else was invisible and was giving him the orders..."

"Weird..." Snappy said. "Like, he's gone crazy?"

"That's certainly a valid theory," Nat sighed.

Slouchy shook his head. "I can't say for certain yet. But it's a possibility that he really IS being controlled by someone. There's spells for invisibility, you know."

"Yeah, that's true," Nat nodded. "We can't ignore any possibilities."

Slouchy hugged his sides, turning away from the others. "What CAN we do, though?" he asked, "It's not exactly like we can just go up and talk to him about it. We can't watch him, either. There's no way we can tell what exactly's going on without putting ourselves in his line of sight.

"We can make sure the others know to etch out for him, and not to stay alone," Nat suggested. "It looks like he only targets Smurfs who are on their own."

"I guess, but it can't be some big announcement." Slouchy put a hand to his chin. "I know if this was me, and everyone found out I was a killer, the first thing I'd do is run."

"True; we'd have to find Smurfs in groups and tell them privately," Nat agreed.

"Course there's still another issue..." Slouchy glanced down at himself. "We're smurflings. Nobody's going to listen to us."

"That's true," Snappy said dully.

"We gotta find a way ta MAKE 'em listen!" Nat declared.

"How're we supposed t' do that?" Slouchy shrugged, "Papa isn' gonna admit anything. We're too little. No one listens to Brainy. And Tailor can't even talk that good... how're we supposed to warn everysmurf?"

"We'll think'a somethin'," Nat vowed, glancing at the still form of Sassette.

Slouchy's eyes followed Nat, to the still form of their friend. "Yeah..." he murmured, sitting next to Snappy. "I... I wish she was still around... she came up with some'a th' best ideas..."

"Yeah," Nat said softly. "I know how you felt about her, Slouchy."

Slouchy seemed to blush very slightly for a moment, but turned his face again. "I dunno what you're talking about." he said simply, hesitation in his voice. "She was one'a m' best friends... yours n' Snappy's too. We liked 'er the same."

"You liked her just a little bit more than Snappy and me, in a different way," Nat corrected softly.

Slouchy opened his mouth, as if to protest, but turned towards Sassette sadly. "There's no point now," Slouchy shook his head. "She's dead, and I'll never see her again. She probably didn't even like me back anyways."

"I think she did," Nat replied quietly. "Why else would she always agree with you if we got in a fight or something?"

"I don't know..." Slouchy shook his head, laughing slightly, feeling tears in his eyes. "I always just figured it was cause we agreed on stuff..."

"Naw," Nat disagreed. "Sometimes I could tell she knew you were dead wrong and she took your side anyway."

"I guess cause we were f-friends..." Slouchy wiped his eyes childishly with the back of his hand. "L-let's not talk about it right now... we still have to figure out how t' warn the others."

"Right," Nat agreed, sitting beside his friend.

* * *

Tailor whimpered again, curling up around himself more and cringing at every daub of antiseptic from Dabbler. "Ch-changed m-mind... A-Ahuvi..." he muttered, voice muffled by the pillow.

"Wait, 'changed your mind'?" Tracker asked, confused. "Changed your mind about what, Tai?"

Tailor cringed at the sound of Tracker's confused voice. There seemed to be almost a twinge of sadness to it. "B-baby..." he murmured sadly, barely audible through the pillow. "I... baby... n-no... h-hell..."

"What do you mean you changed your mind about the baby?" Tracker asked, confused. "What does she have to do with hell, Tailor?"

Tailor had to bite back tears. Tracker sounded so hurt, so confused... "B-baby... V-village..." he murmured, "H-Hell... Going to... I..."

"Tai, I can't understand you," Tracker said softly in a calming voice. "Just slow down, okay? One word at a time. Now, try again; what's wrong?"

Tailor took a deep breath. "V-Village...H-Hell... I'm going to... baby... H-Hell..." his thoughts were still so muddled by fear and mood tranquilizers the smurf could barely form a coherent sentence.

"Tai..." Tracker said slowly, "are you telling me you think you're going to hell? And it has something to do with the baby?"

Tailor whimpered. "V-village... t-two smurfs..." The smurf shivered. "I... Hell... living... couldn't die..."

Dabbler carefully pulled the thin blanket up to Tailor's shoulders, covering most of the fresh bandages. "Tracker, I don't know if he's in the right state of mind to talk about this right now." he said softly, "you might want to save it for another day."

"Alright." Tracker nodded slowly. "We'll talk about it when you're feeling better, okay, Tai? Now just rest."

"D-don't go..." the scared smurf reached behind him, feeling around for his mate's hand, then pulling it back up to his chest once he'd found it. "N-need you..."

"I'm not going anywhere," Tracker promised gently, stroking Tailor's face gently. "I'm staying right here... I'm not going to let anysmurf hurt you again."

Tailor sighed softly, giving Tracker's hand a squeeze and pressing his knuckles to his cheek. "Ahuvi...love..."

"I love you too, Tai. Always will." Tracker smiled gently, thanking god that his mate had survived the heinous attack.

* * *

"Hey, I know!" Nat said brightly, "let's see if Greedy will believe us! If he will, the whole village might!"

"Yeah!" Slouchy smiled for what seemed like the first time in at least two days. "Everyone trusts him! Come on!"

Nat lead the way, jogging toward the kitchen with Slouchy and Snappy in hot pursuit. "Jeez, More- RUNNING!" Slouchy puffed.

"Oh, it's worth it!" Snappy snapped.

As they started getting closer to Greedy's kitchen, a terrible, disgusting stench hit their noses, nearly causing Slouchy to loose his lunch right then and there. "OH my smurf, what is that smell?!" he asked, covering his nose.

"I don't- AUUUGHH!" Snappy shrieked.

Greedy was slumped over his stove, face on the burners. Suddenly it was quite clear what the smell was; it was that of Greedy's charred facial features.

Slouchy fought the incredible need to vomit, and quickly rushed to where Greedy half laid, half leaned, and half stood, three different knives in his back and the floor around soaked in blood. The smurfling tried to move the large smurf from the burner, if only to give the poor guy a shred of dignity and combat the terrible odor. "Look," something in the smurf's back caught Slouchy's attention. "Isn't this letter opener Painter's?"

"It is," Nat said, staring at it. "I think we just found the murder weapon for Painter, at least. We don't know for sure that one killed Greedy."

"I don't know If I WANNA know for- eh?" Slouchy had been starting to walk out of the mushroom for fresh air when his foot nearly sailed something across the mushroom floor. "it's a pill bottle," he stated, picking it up. "What would this be doing here?"

"No idea," Nat shrugged.

"Say, what did Papa want to talk to Greedy about?" Snappy inquired. "Think the bottle could have something to do with that?"

"I think it did..." Slouchy thought aloud, "Let's go get Dabbler to take care of Greedy, and go smurf Papa smurf some questions..."

"Okay," Snappy agreed.

"Yeah," Nat said, casting a sad glance in the direction of Greedy.

After alerting Dabbler to Greedy's death, the Smurflings that remained dashed to Papa's lab to confront him.

"Greedy's dead," Nat announced to Papa. "And we found this in his kitchen."

Snappy silently held up the pill bottle they had found at the grisly scene. Papa smurf looked positively pale in the face. "Great smurfs..." he murmured.

"What IS it, Papa smurf?" Slouchy asked, almost demanding with his eyes.

"A medication bottle, Slouchy." Papa replied carefully, "You're a smart boy, you know that."

"If I'm so smart, how come the names are in Latin so no one else can read?" Slouchy crossed his arms.

"Tell us what's going on," Nat demanded. "You can't keep doing this especially if Greedy was killed over this."

Papa smurf tensed noticeably. "Smurfness... When did you three grow up without the rest of us knowing..." he murmured, glancing at the smurflings, "Fine... But I have to warn you. This is a secret that's been kept for many years. Longer than any of the other smurfs can remember. And it's a secret that MUST be kept if we are ever going to restore balance to the village."

"Fine," Nat said.

"Tell us!" Snappy ordered.

Papa smurf carefully took the pill bottle from Snappy's hand. "This pill bottle USED to contain Quetiapine. It's an antipsychotic medication, used on those that have mental illnesses."

* * *

**Aiko: *keeps smacking Chi and laughing* WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! XD**

**Chi: with ME!? What's wrong with YOU?! XD**

**Aiko: A lot of things, but that's beside the point! **

**Chi: Anyways… big things will be happening soon! We are getting closer and closer to our conclusion! Anyone excited? :3**

**Aiko: *waving hand around excitedly* ME! ME! ME! ME! Rivvy was super eager to write the part that happens first in the next chapter! :3**

**Chi: Yeah, I remember. She suggested it almost every time we came to a timeskip! XD**

**Aiko: Hey, can I help it?**

**Chi: No… but back to the point, reviews are awesome! Keep 'em coming, we'll keep more dark stuff on it's way! :D**

**Aiko: See you next chapter!**

**Chi: Hasta la Pasta! :D**


	5. Faceoff

**Aiko: SERIOUSLY!? SERIOUSLY, Chisette?! You SERIOUSLY went with that title**

**Chi: I couldn't resist… XD I don't even CARE how much people will hate me for that chapter title, I freaking LOVE it XD**

**Aiko: -.-; I swear, I'm working with a five year old….**

**Chi: FOUR! GET IT RIGHT!**

* * *

Jokey's eyes gleamed as he gazed into the room, lying in wait for his prey.

Vanity and Farmer suddenly staggered in, clearly drunk. Vanity planted a sloppy kiss on Farmer's cheek and then giggled like a schoolgirl. "Wanna smurf a little 'fun'...? After all, we won't be able to do this too often when Daisy comes..."

Farmer chuckled, ending with a hiccup and stumbled slightly when he kicked the door frame, "Ah d'no, shugah, "he slurred, "It wouldn' be too good'a me t' take advantage'a ya when yer drunk, ya know."

" I asked juu first, I'm takin' 'vantage'a juu," Vanity retorted, the words slurred.

"Such naughty words from a lovely mouth like yers," Farmer's eyes were hooded as he wrapped his arms around his mate. "I'm gonna have t' teach you a lesson, shugah~"

"Ohoho~!" Vanity trilled. "Juu will, will juu~?"

Farmer chuckled again, taking a little nip at Vanity's neck, and smirked "Ah think Ah-" right about then, he was interrupted by a slight crash noise, coming from the kitchen. "Wha' was that?"

"I dunno," Vanity said, shrugging.

Farmer felt himself starting to sober up and think logically for a moment. He knew there was a killer on the loose, but he made sure he'd locked the doors and windows before he and Vanity went out for drinks. Still, thinking it better safe than sorry, Farmer let his mate go. "Go wait n' th' bedroom," Farmer said softly to Vanity, running his fingers over the wooden bat that he kept in the coat closet, "Ah'm gonna check n' make sure nothin's goin' on."

"Oh, fine," Vanity pouted. "But I'm gonna hold you to that punishment~!"

Farmer smirked in his direction, giving his rear end a lewd slap as he passed him. Farmer raised the bat over his shoulder, stalking quietly into the kitchen, listening for any sounds that would indicate someone in their small cottage. "Come out," Farmer half slurred, his grip tight on the bat, "Ah know yer here, Ah can hear you!"

"Wrong," Jokey spat, appearing behind Farmer, knife in hand, "this is ALL wrong."

Farmer jumped slightly, startled by Jokey's unexpected appearance, and turned around quickly. "Dad gum, Jokey, th' hell you doin in m' house?!" he exclaimed, raising his bat slightly, "Don'chu know there's a daggum killer on th' loose?" Farmer shook his head, just barely catching a glimpse of the knife, and froze. "Jokey... Why D'you have tha' knife..." he asked, fear creeping into him.

Jokey just spat, "WRONG!" as the knife fell, plunging itself into Farmer's chest.

"A-AH!" Farmer shouted, swinging the bat, landing it in Jokey's side, but dropping it as Jokey reared his arm to swing again. "VAN'TY, GET OUT'A TH' HOUSE! HE'S HERE! TH' KILLER'S HERE!"

"Too late," Jokey spat, once again stabbing Farmer, the knife lodging itself straight into his heart. Jokey smirked as the farmhand fell, and he selected a second knife. "Don't worry, Farmer," he growled, his smile still in place, "Vanity will join you in hell soon enough."

Farmer coughed and convulsed slightly, looking up at Jokey from the ground. "H-Hell... A' least AH'M not a murderer..." the farmhand coughed again, blood dripping from his open mouth as his eyes started to glaze. "V-Van'ty... A-Ah love y-you... Sh-shugah..."

Just like that, the farmhand's body seized up, and went completely limp, never to stand again. Jokey just rolled his eyes and stepped over the unmoving form, heading into the room where Vanity was fast asleep. "F-Farmer..." Vanity's eyebrows furrowed, sensing something wrong, and he tossed and turned slightly on their large bed.

"Wrong," Jokey spat, stabbing Vanity's shoulder, just missing his throat as he turned in the bed.

Vanity shot awake, still in a slight haze from the alcohol, and he screamed. "AIEEEE!"

When he saw whose hand was connected to the knife that had stabbed into his shoulder, his face turned absolutely white. "J-Jokey!" he breathed, nearly falling off the bed, backing away to the door.

Jokey glared at Vanity. He snatched the knife up, repositioning it in his hand. "There's no one left alive to help you," he growled. "Your mate is waiting for you in Hell." He lunged again, this time stabbing Vanity in the chest.

"N-NO! Y-YOU'RE LYING!" Vanity shrieked, fighting to get away, kicking Jokey HARD, right where ANY man is weakest, and scrambled out the door and down the hall, finding his poor mate face down on the kitchen floor, lying in a pool of his own crimson blood. "F-Farmer..." he breathed, paralyzed with grief and fear. "Oh, God, Farmer..."

Jokey, however, recovered quickly, and races up behind Vanity, his knife at the Smurf's throat. "Any last words, you sick faggot of a Smurf?"

Vanity's words trembled as he tried to swallow away angry tears. "F-F-Fuck y-y-you." he snarled, eyes closed, "Y-You're nothing b-but a COWARD. A Jealous, Psychotic COWARD."

Jokey laughed and drew the knife across his jugular. "Goodbye, you sick Smurf."

The fragile smurf gurgled a bit, blood pouring from the wound, and fell to his knees. "F-Farmer..." he gurgled, reaching for his mate, then falling forward and becoming very still.

Jokey laughed. "That was easier than I thought!" he cackled to Tobias as the imp reappeared.

"Hmmph." Tobias glared down at the blood welling up around their feet. "It was careless, Jokey. Look at you, there's blood all over you. You're sure to get caught now." The imp shook his head, "At least that other queer can't talk, or else you'd be in some trouble." Tobias made a disapproving noise and nudged Vanity roughly with his foot. "And you didn't even do anything nearly as good with the fag as you did to that queer Tailor. He's the biggest fruit in the whole damn basket!"

"I have an idea," Jokey purred, seeing Vanity's mirror lying on the table. He turned the Smurf over and bent down, knife ready. "I think you'll like this," he smirked, beginning to cut Vanity's face off of his skull.

Tobias cringed slightly. "You're sick!" he exclaimed, then laughed.

"Good thing, too, because if I wasn't this would probably never work," Jokey laughed.

Once he had finished hacking Vanity's face off, he carefully drape it over the glass of the mirror. "Perfect," he purred. "Let's get out of here so I can take another quick dip in the river before we find another Smurf to prank.

"Yeah, you need it." Tobias replied, walking towards the back door. "Jeez, you reek like iron."

"Sorry," Jokey shrugged. "But I don't see YOU doing any dirty work here."

"I'm just not as good a pranker as you are, Jokey." Tobias said, seeming to have defeat in his voice, "I may have good ideas, but YOU'RE the one that can carry them out the best, you know."

"Well," Jokey smirked, "that's true."

* * *

Papa smurf had to make certain nothing and no one would disturb them when he gave the explanation. Before he could tell the smurflings what was going on, he had to make sure he wouldn't be needed, checking in on Dabbler and Tailor, and other such duties. but when he at last finished, he locked the door to his lab. "I need you boys to PROMISE me, right here and right now, that NOTHING you hear will ever leave this room."

"Promise," Nat vowed.

"Swear," Snappy agreed.

"Yeah, Promise." Slouchy said impatiently.

Papa smurf glanced around a little bit before he spoke. "Have you ever wondered why pets aren't allowed in the village for more than a few days?"

"Yeah," Snappy agreed.

"Of course," said Nat, a little ruefully.

"It's mainly because..." Papa smurf tried to find the right words for it. "Very... Unsmurfy things... Often to happen to them, when all the smurfs were children..."

"What sort of unsmurfy things?" Snappy asked, while Nat looked horrified.

"TERRIBLE unsmurfy things, Snappy..." the elder smurf shuddered. "Any small insect or animal that tried to make the village its home would turn up dead, usually brutally tortured."

"Wh-what?! Why!?" Nat whimpered, horrorstruck.

"There was no reason why," Papa smurf said solemnly, "there was no reason for this smurf to do such things."

Slouchy put a hand to Nat's back, to try and comfort the horrorstruck smurfling. "Who could SMURF such a thing, Papa smurf?" he asked.

Papa smurf seemed to hesitate for a good few moments. "Jokey...and, in a way, Tobias."

"Tobias?" Snappy repeated, confused. "Who the smurf is Tobias?"

"I think I've heard that name before," Slouchy murmured, looking up at the ceiling, "Jokey said something about him this morning, remember? Something about how he's his childhood best friend or something, but he went away."

"Yes," Papa nodded, then held up the empty pill bottle. "This is the reason Tobias left. Because Tobias is no more than a facet of Jokey's personality, or a hallucination."

"I don't get it?" Snappy replied, looking more confused.

Papa smurf put the pill bottle down on the table, glancing out the window. "Jokey smurf has paranoid schizophrenia. Tobias is one of many of his most prevalent hallucinations. As well as seemingly the most violent. Jokey believes that Tobias is telling him to hurt and kill."

"So it's Tobias's fault Jokey is killing?" Snappy asked.

"Yes, but no." Papa replied. "There's a missing piece to the puzzle. Jokey had been mostly stable on the medications up until Greedy was killed and Jokey no longer ate the food- that's how the medications were administered, via meals- there's another factor playing into this, but I'm not entirely sure what."

"I don't have any ideas..." Snappy trailed off slowly.

"J-Jokey has someone in his HEAD making him TORTURE and KILL people?!" Nat choked out in terror.

"In his head, to us, yes. But not to Jokey." Papa smurf's face was very serious. "But to Jokey he's as real as you or me. Tobias can even hurt Jokey in some ways, as well."

"What does that mean?" Snappy asked.

"Just what I said," Papa smurf replied, "Tobias is as real to Jokey, as I am to you. You can feel it when I touch you, and in his mind, Jokey can feel it when Tobias touches him, or does actual harm to him."

"So, could Tobias... Break a bone, or something?" Snappy inquired curiously.

"It's quite likely." Papa smurf nodded. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious," Snappy said truthfully. "It seems pretty weird, you know?"

"It is," Papa smurf nodded in agreement. "The mind is a dangerous and amazing thing, smurflings. And when something's not alright with it, terrible things can happen."

"N-no kidding," Nat stammered.

Right at that moment, all four smurfs nearly jumped out of their skins at the loud sound of knocking. Handy's desperate voice called through the door. "PAPA SMURF! PAPA SMURF!" The door made a few clicking noises, as if someone was trying to open it, even though it was locked. "PAPA SMURF, THERE'S BEEN ANOTHER KILLING!"

Immediately, Papa rushed right to the door, unlocking it and letting Handy inside. The distraught writer looked as though he had seen a ghost. even his usually bright yellow pencil looked paler. "What's happened, Handy?! Who's been killed?!" Papa asked, looking scared of what he'd hear next.

"It was Vanity and Farmer," Handy choked out, "th-they went out for drinks with Grouchy and I, and I went over to check and make sure they made it home okay... the door was wide open..." the smurf's eyes widened, and he shook fearfully. "Oh god, Papa smurf, I think I'm going to be sick!"

"He's getting braver," Nat whispered. "He's never tried a double killing before..."

"You're right." Papa replied, "Since Gargamel and Azrael, every kill have been singles... what was so different about Vanity and Farmer?"

"I guess one was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Slouchy shrugged.

"Maybe," said Snappy thoughtfully. "We should explore the scene, just to see if J- I mean, the killer, left any clues.

"Are you three sure you want to come along?" Papa smurf asked very seriously, "Judging by Handy's reaction these are NOT a clean kills..."

"None of them were clean killings," Snappy said. "The worst was Azrael; this can't be TOO much worse."

"Yes, I suppose you're right," Papa smurf replied with a shake of his head. "Right then, to the crime scene."

Snappy and Slouchy followed, Nat trailing behind a bit apprehensively.

* * *

The scene they entered on was a gruesome one. Blood dripped from the bedroom to the kitchen, there was a terrible stench of death in the air. Papa smurf almost had to go back outside to keep himself from being sick. Snappy pressed on, Nat and Slouchy following a bit more reluctantly. When they saw the grisly sight, Snappy felt his jaw drop and Nat turned, being violently sick in the corner. Slouchy Swallowed back the feeling of vomit in his throat, and looked down at the floor. "I guess Farmer was killed first." he muttered, "Then the guy went in the bedroom, where Vanity was sleeping... attacked him, but he managed to get at least out to here... and the whole f-face thing... that was after he died... there's not a lot of blood around the e-edge..."

Nat wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Y-yeah... G-guys... We have to catch him, before he can do this again..."

"We still don't know WHERE he is, though..." Slouchy pointed out disappointedly.

"We KNOW it's him," Snappy said, frustrated. "Why can't we just tell the others that?!"

"BECAUSE," Papa smurf replied. "If we tell the others, there'll be a panic. And Jokey will run, and we won't find him again until he takes more lives. The best we can do for now is try and find him ourselves. Snappy, Nat, go find Hefty. We'll need someone strong on our side."

The two nodded, dashing off in search of the village strongsmurf.

* * *

The smurflings quickly found Hefty hard at work chopping wood, and rejoined Papa smurf and Slouchy to find Jokey. "Remind me again, why do we need to go find Jokey?" Hefty asked, suspicion in his voice.

"Because he hasn't been seen all day, and I'm afraid something might've happened to him." Papa replied smoothly.

"Yeah," said Snappy. "We don't want the killer to find him before we do. But you should be careful anyway, insane he comes after you."

"Insane?" Hefty cocked a confused eyebrow.

"IN CASE! I'm pretty sure he meant to say IN CASE." Slouchy elbowed Snappy in the ribs.

"OW!" Snappy protested. "I know what I said!"

Papa turned back to them. "Shh! Both of you stop that this instant, we're supposed to be looking for Jokey! Not drawing attention to ourselves!"

"Sorry, Papa Smurf," the Smurflings recited obediently as Nat rolled his eyes at them.

"Good." Papa replied, facing forward again, "Now all we need is to find Jokey, and everything will be-"

Just then, the five heard an ear splitting cry. "It came from this way!" Slouchy pointed to a grove of bushes not far from where they stood.

Nat dashed over, Snappy on his heels and the others hot on their trail. Snappy pulled back the fronds to reveal Jokey sitting on Grouchy's chest, preparing to hack him apart.

"'I hate knives, I hate Jokey'," the Smurf mimicked in a tone filled with malice. "Does that mean you hate living, too?"

"I-I-I D-D-D-DON'T h-h-hate l-l-living!" Grouchy managed, shaking underneath the prankster turned serial killer.

"JOKEY! Put the knife down!" Papa smurf spoke calmly, slowly approaching him, "Grouchy didn't do anything, let's just put the knife down, and we'll talk like two smurfs."

"HE'S LYING!" Tobias roared in Jokey's ear, "He's just trying to get you unaware, so he can prank you too!"

Jokey glared at him. "Tobias says you're lying," he growled. "Tobias is always right; LIAR!"

Papa smurf drew Jokey's attention away from the others, and tried to lure him away from Grouchy before Jokey could make a move with the knife. "I'm not lying, come over here and see for yourself!" Papa smurf held up his hands. "See? No potions, no weapon, no nothing. I just want to talk."

"Liar," Jokey hissed again. "What should we do to him, Tobias?"

"Prank him, Jokey! Prank him before he gets you!" Tobias dug his nails in his shoulder, "You IDIOT! HOW could you let them get you!?"

"Jokey, Listen to me!" Papa smurf tried to reason with him, "I don't want to use force, but I will if I have to! Drop the knife, and let's talk about this like to civil smurfs."

"You won't prank me," Jokey spat. "I'll prank you first! I won't let you get me before I get you!"

With that, Jokey lunged at the elder with surprising speed, knife ready. Thankfully, Hefty had been watching the entire conversation, and was ready for when that happened. in one swift motion, he grabbed the delusional smurf, immediately knocking the knife from his hand and getting ahold of his arms. "You're not 'pranking' ANYONE, Jokey!" Hefty told him, "NEVER again!"

"Let me go!" Jokey screamed. "Let me go! Let me go NOW! I have to!"

"I warned you, Jokey," Papa said softly, taking a capped syringe from a pocket in his hat, and quickly poking it into a vein on Jokey's neck. "I didn't want to use force, but you left me no choice." On that word, he pushed the plunger, emptying the barrel completely.

Jokey felt his movements going weaker and his eyes beginning to flutter closed.

Papa smurf patted Jokey on the head, much like he did when he was a smurfling. "Just rest, Jokey... it'll all be over soon... shh..."

"Don't you fall asleep, you little pussy!" Tobias growled at Jokey, his voice fading with his consciousness, "Don't you DARE fall aslee..."

But Jokey was already gone, tumbling head over heels in an ocean of blissful, calming darkness.

Papa gave Jokey a few final soft pats to the head as the struggling smurf finally went limp. "There we go, my little smurf," his voice was gentle and calming, "It'll all be done soon... shhhh..."

Papa smurf made his way to where Grouchy sat, looking absolutely terrified. "Grouchy, are you alright? He didn't cut you or anything, did he?"

"H-he gave me a few nicks," Grouchy replied shakily. "The worst one is this one, on my shoulder." He pointed to a cut that was more of a long, shallow scratch than a cut.

"That isn't so bad, "Papa spoke gently, "Come with us, I'll get you a disinfectant for the cuts."

"Y-yeah," Grouchy agreed. "I'm just glad you turned up when you did..."

"So are we..." Slouchy nodded. "So are we..."

* * *

**Chi: WELL! By show of hands, how many of you think that I am one sick puppy? Why, ALL of you? How on smurf did THAT ever happen?**

**Aiko: Oh, come off it, Chi-Chi. You can't take ALL the credit for that.**

**Chi: No, no, I cant…. You're a sick puppy too! :3**

**Aiko: and damn proud of it!**

**Chi: I'm guessing that the next chapter is going to be the final chapter/epilogue. God. I'll be glad to be done with this! T_T my poor stomach!**

**Aiko: Aw, man up, girl! **

**Chi: *just curls up in a ball* I don' wanna…. T_T**

**Aiko: -.-; **


	6. But In The End

**Aiko: wow. Last chapter already!**

**Chi: Yeah. This's really flown by, huh?**

**Aiko: I'll say. But did you really have to include that weird song?**

**Chi: DAVID BOWIE IS A FREAKING CLASSIC!**

**Aiko: But it doesn't really have any relav-**

**Chi: DO NOT QUESTION MEEEE! **

**Aiko: -.-; ANYWAYS, enjoy the final chapter**

**Chi: And don't hate us, pleeease! X3**

* * *

"Get up."

"I don't want to," Jokey retorted.

"Get the FUCK up." Tobias snarled, jabbing a foot hard into Jokey's stomach.

"Ow!" Jokey protested. "Come on, let me rest. Besides, it's over, we aren't getting out anytime soon."

"This ISN'T over," Tobias snarled. "I need you to write something, a lot." his amber eyes narrowed dangerously. "And if you don't... I'LL prank YOU."

"Smurf, you're bossy," Jokey spat. "Geez, what do you want? What am I supposed to do? We're locked in this room with no way out, genius."

"Not for long we wont be." Tobias looked paranoid, scared even. "That Papa smurf'a yours is about to send you on the long road right to the noose."

"What do you mean? He won't kill me."

Tobias glared at Jokey, all the fear in his eyes. "WON'T he? I heard him talking after you pussed out and went to sleep." Tobias shook his head, "unless we get you out of here, you're dead meat, Jokey."

"Okay, then, riddle me this, smart one: how the Smrf are we SUPPOSED to get out?!"

"Make an excuse for others to get IN." Tobias replied, "Write on the walls. Scare them. Make them scared of you. It'd be just as good as pranking, AND it'll give the perfect opportunity to escape."

"Okay, okay. But what to do you want me to write? 'Judgment Day is coming'?" Jokey snorted at the very thought.

"ANYthing," Tobias shrugged, "just something creepy."

Jokey slowly stood, looking around. "What should I write with?" He demanded of Tobias.

"ANYTHING," Tobias looked agitated, nervous, "Just fucking WRITE!"

Jokey rolled his eyes. "WOW, you hold up GREAT under pressure." He found a sort of icepick in the corner and then began hacking the names of the Smurfs who had captured him into the walls.

"I don't do well in a box, Jokey." Tobias spoke warningly. "it DOES things to ya."

After a short time of carving, the ice pick like item broke. broke badly enough it couldn't be used anymore. "CRAP." Tobias hissed, then glared at Jokey. "YOU need to keep writing. It's YOUR fault we're here, Jokey!"

"Right, because I'm TOTALLY stronger than Hefty and able to withstand Papa's drugs," Jokey said sarcastically. "Just help me find something if you're so desperate to get out of here!"

Tobias looked frustrated and agitated. "There IS nothing here! The only thing you COULD use anymor is-" Tobias had a disturbed smile at the thought.

"What? Tell me," Jokey demanded angrily.

"Gimmie your hand." Tobias said, still smiling.

"Why? What for?" Jokey asked, though he extended his had to Tobias.

Without another word, Tobias hastily grabbed his hand, using the already short fingernail on his index finger to start scratching the wall, crudely carving out letters.

"Ow!" Jokey protested. "Cut it out, that hurts!"

"I don't CARE!" Tobias screeched and used Jokey's hand to scratch at the wood even harder, "It's all YOUR fault we're here, YOU ought to pay for it!"

Jokey continued to growl in pain, steadying himself against the wall as Tobias continued using his nails to carve out the words.

The time passed, and at last Papa smurf and the smurflings could try and talk to Jokey. When they entered the room, however, the writing on the walls took them all by surprise.

Jokey had carved the name of every Smurf who had been there when he was captured, but the three names most scrawled out were Papa's, Nat's and Grouchy's. "Great smurfs..." Papa murmured, looking disturbed, "You've ehm- been busy, Jokey..."

Nat just stared at the crude bloody text, then at Jokey's fingers-which were all bleeding from his work on 'redecorating' the room- feeling sick to his stomach. He didn't even really DO anything when Jokey was caught... why was HE such a target now?! He tried to put it out of his mind as he, Papa, Jokey and Slouchy sat down at a table that Hefty had brought in.

Jokey just give them his demonic grin as he surveye his handiwork himself. "I, ehm, like what you've done with the place..." Papa said, glancing around the room, then down at Jokey's mutilated fingertips. "If you'd like, I could fix your fingers?"

"NO," Jokey replied darkly, withdrawing his fingers, "I DON'T need your help!"

Jokey glanced to the corner of the room, where there was a small wrapped package, and laughed a twisted little laugh. "Hey, Nat!"he snickered, "there's a surprise for you right over there... Just for you, I'm not giving surprises to anybody else!"

"Uh, n-no thanks, Jokey," Nat mumbled, looking at the package apprehensively.

"Come onnnn!" Jokey almost whined, watching a small moth that had squeezed into the room through a small gap in the wood. "we're friends, right? well, friends give eachother gifts, and surprises!"

Nat glanced at Papa, then inched cautiously to the package and tentatively tore off the paper. "Wait, Nat!" Hefty spoke, putting a hand to Nat's before the smurfling could open the box. "I'll open it first, just in case it's a trap."

Hefty opened the box carefully, ducking out of the way slightly, expecting some kind of explosion. When there was nothing, he simply looked in the box, and shuddered at what he saw. "Um... Papa smurf? You'd better take a look at this..."

Inside the box there were dozens, hundreds even, of moths of all shapes and sizes and species, every one of them dead or dying, with their little torsos crushed. Nat screamed in horror, ducking behind Papa Smurf and peeking around him fearfully, shocked that anyone could be so cruel, even to a small, insignificant moth.

"You wanna learn something really, really FUNNY, Nature Boy?"Jokey mused, snatching the moth that had been fluttering around the room between his fingers. "these stupid little creatures... are so amusing..." The imprisoned smurf smiled devilishly. "they fight, they flop around, they're so desperate for escape, and yet one little-" he pinched his fingers just barely, and a sickening pop was heard. The moth's wings drooped down, vibrating very slightly, as if it were still trying to escape. "- and it'll be as dead as a doornail!"

Jokey laughed like a heyena on laughing gas and sailed the now useless body over their heads, bouncing against the wall before it landed in the box with the others. "_**ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS!?**_"

Nat couldn't answer. He was too busy trying to catch his breath enough to make a decent scream. Jokey cackled, knowing he had finally gotten to them, and sang eerily.

_"There was a boy.  
A very strange enchanted boy,  
They say he wandered very far, very far,  
Over land and sea~"_

"S-stop it!" Nat screamed. "STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

Jokey cackled again, looking right at Nat with those dark eyes and devilish smile.  
_  
"And then one day,  
One magic day, he passed my way,  
And then we spoke of many things, Fools and kings,  
This he said to me," _

Jokey's devilish grin widened as he gave his rendition of the ending.  
_  
"The nature boy,  
Is going to die.  
And he is not  
The last."_

Right then, Slouchy stood up, grabbing Nat by the arm "That's it!" he said, "I'm not listenin' to another second'a this! C'mon!"

Nat followed Slouchy all too willingly, terribly shocked by the while mess.

"Bye-Bye, Nature Boy!" Jokey cackled. "See you soon!"

Slouchy shook his head and led Nat outside, locking the slightly taller smurfling in a hug when they were away from all of the insanity inside. "It's Ok, Nat. he can't hurt you, or anyone else now. he's locked away, we're safe."

Nat was shaking like a sea leaf in a thunderstorm. "Th-th-th-that S-S-SMURFSTARD!" He managed, glancing back in a terrified way.

"I know..." Slouchy replied quietly, "I know... but at least now he can't kill anything else..."

Nat shuddered. "I hope Papa smurfs something horrible to him!"

Slouchy shook his head. "He can't..." he said softly, "As much as we want him to, he can't... and won't...Jokey's still a smurf..."

"He should still punish him for what he's done!" Nat yelled, voice fierce.

"If he doesn't, I WILL," Slouchy said darkly, "I won't let Sassy's death go unpunished."

"Or anyone else's," Nat added softly. "It wouldn't be right to let him get away with what he did to Tailor, or Brainy and Grouchy, even if they didn't die."

"Yeah." Slouchy nodded, "But honestly... I don't think there's any punishment that can make up for what Jokey's done to the village... and once the others find out... they won't think so, either."

"But that doesn't mean Papa can't banish him or something!" Nat insisted.

"If he IS banished, who's t' smurf he won't come back?" Slouchy asked darkly.

Before Nat, or anyone else could answer, Papa smurf opened the door to Jokey's cell, and closed it behind him, locking it on both door side and hinges side of the door. After locking the door, he approached Nat and Slouchy, seeing Snappy not far away. "It's late, smurflings," Papa smurf spoke quietly, as if he had the world on his shoulders. "Smurfette has offered that you stay with her until Jokey is stable. Or at least as stable as he can be."

"So you're NOT gonna punish him for what he's done?" Nat asked in disbelief.

"He's not in his right mind, Nat." Papa smurf said firmly, "He will face justice, but at the moment, he is affected by mental illness and what I suspect is black magic potion and can't make a defence for himself at a trial."

"Fine," Nat spat unexcitedly.

* * *

By the time the smurflings had their nightshirts and were at Smurfette's house it was already late in the night. After a fit of crying over their lost loved ones, Smurfette found the gumption to show the smurflings to the sleeping spaces she had set up for each of them. Nat in the spare bedroom, Slouchy on the couch downstairs, and Snappy in the den, next to the window. The nature loving smurf had nearly fallen asleep when he heard the slight creak of a door. "Hey, Nat?" Slouchy's childish voice whispered. "You 'wake?"

"Mmmm. Now I am." Nat rolled over. "Wha' do want, Slouchy?"

"I can't sleep... "Slouchy muttered, "It just... feels weird without all'a us in the same room... an' knowin' we WON'T all be in th' same room ever again..."

Nat nodded, glancing sympathetically at Slouchy. "Yeah... I know what you mean..." He sighed, wishing he could comfort his friend.

"I know... I'm a big baby," Slouchy muttered, looking down, "I just... I wish we could just go back..." Slouchy wiped his eyes a little, "K'ai sleep in here tonight?"

"Sure," Nat agreed, shifting for Slouchy.

"Thanks," Slouchy murmured, slowly walking to the bed and climbing under the covers with his brother in spirit. "I wonder though... wha's... wha's gonna happen next?" his voice was shaky, "What happens now that we've got the killer...?"

"I don't know. I don't know if there's ever been a Smurf serial killer before... I don't know what will happen."

"Whatever happens," Slouchy murmured, "I hope Sassy and the others get peace cause of it."

"Me, too," Nat said quietly. "And I hope Grouchy and Brainy and Tailor will be able to move on."

"It'll take awhile," Slouchy murmured, "But I think they will eventually... jus' like th' rest'a th' village..."

"Yeah..." Nat murmured quietly. "I just hope it's sooner rather than later..."

Slouchy was very quiet for a moment. But before he could think of something to say in reply, they heard a loud crash from the upstairs of the house. "What was that?!" Slouchy's voice was hushed.

"I don't know," Nat replied, his voice a mere breath. "I think we should find out, though. But we'll have to be quiet."

Slouchy nodded, and silently slid out from under the covers. "Come on." he whispered, "It sounded like it came from downstairs."

Nat nodded, slipping out his own makeshift bed and sneaking quietly outside after Slouchy.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Slouchy whispered. "A really, REALLY bad feeling about this..."

"I do, too," Nat hissed quietly. "It sounded like it came from Smurfette's room."

"I think you're right." Slouchy replied, stepping very quietly, "It sounds like... Like crying, or something."

Slouchy was right. Through the thin walls, there seemed to be a muffled sound of whimpering and crying, and the incredibly muffled attempts at screams. "C'mon, she's in trouble!" Slouchy picked up his pace, still keeping his feet quiet, making a mad dash for Smurfette's bedroom at the end of the hall.

Nat launched himself down the hall after Slouchy, skidding as he came to the door and ripped it open.

It was right at that moment that Slouchy and Nat saw what was making all the noise.

A smurf had the blonde-haired female pinned down on top of the bed, knife in hand, his pants undone and her dress up past her chest, showing a small plain pink bra. Tears streamed from her eyes, his hand muffling the sounds of her screams and cries. When the smurf turned around to see who had interrupted his sordid acts, the smurflings' blood ran ice cold.

It was Jokey, those same wild eyes and demonic grin as before.

"Hey, Smurflings," he cackled, licking his lips. "Smurfette's quite the beauty, eh?"

"Get off of her!" Nat yelled, seeing Slouchy snatch for something to the side, a hat rack.

"We're not gonna let you hurt her, 'er anyone else ANY more!" Slouchy's usually calm and mellow voice came out as a growl, almost a snarl.

Suddenly there was a shuffling sound, and a loud, metallic clang. Jokey fell to the floor, revealing Snappy behind him, holding a black frying pan.

Slouchy put down the hat rack, and rushed right over to Smurfette, pushing Jokey aside and letting her up from the bed. "Are you ok, Smurfette?"

Shakily, the blonde smurfette nodded. "I'm fine..." she half whispered, "Th-thank you, Snappy... h-he would've k-killed me if you boys didn't come...!"

"No trouble," said Snappy, before looking at the frying pan. "Guys, for my birthday I want one of these."

"We'll keep that in mind," Slouchy said, using a belt he found in the closet to bind Jokey's hands, "Now we have t' go get Papa smurf!"

"I'll find him," said Nat quickly. "Slouchy, you stay here with Smurfette. Snappy, you too. You took him out once, you can do it again."

"Righto!" Snappy said, saluting as Nat dashed outside to Papa's lab.

Slouchy looked down at Jokey, then over at Smurfette. she looked as though she was about to be sick, unable to take her eyes off of him. Slouchy shook his head, and looked over to Snappy. "I don't think he's going anywhere for a while. Smurfette looks like she needs help now, and being around Jokey _isn't_ helping."

"And that means what?" Snappy asked.

"It means that we should just leave him here." Slouchy said firmly, "and get Smurfette to Papa as soon as we can."

"If you say so," Snappy shrugged, tossing the frying pan on the bed and following Slouchy and Smurfette.

* * *

The three met Papa smurf and Nat just as they were about to leave the lab. "I thought you three were at Smurfette's house?!" he asked.

"She needed to be out of there, Papa." Slouchy said plainly, "But he's tied up really tight and he's knocked out, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Alright, fine then, get inside, all of you," Papa quickly ushered them in. "we have no time to waste, I MUST brew an antipotion at ONCE, or else he may be gone forever!"

"I don't get it?" Snappy asked. "What do to mean, gone forever?"

"That potion Gargamel had," Papa smurf started to explain, "It was a potion called the 'Deepest Roots' potion. It takes the most repressed, darkest part of someone and multiplies it tenfold. In this case, Jokey's schizophrenia. What used to be mostly maintainable through medications and careful regulation is now even more dangerous and unpredictable. And what's worse is that this becomes irresmurfable eighteen hours from when the potion was first used."

"I don't like the sound of that," Snappy said.

"Do you know when he doused Jokey in the potion?" Nat inquired. "We might already be too late."

"I DON'T," Papa replied, potions ingredients in his hands "The only thingI can do is make the potion, and hope for the best at this point."

"Oh." Snappy looked uncomfortable. "Why can't we just have Hefty or someone lock him back up? It freaks me out knowin' he escaped."

"Because he WAS locked up," Papa said, slight fear in his voice, "there were well over four different locks on that door, and when I went to go check on him, the door was wide open and the smurf on watch was unconscious."

"So how is a belt supposed to-! Oh no," Nat said, horrified.

Slouchy put a hand to his face. HOW coul he be so stupid?! HOW could he not think that through!? If Jokey got free and hurt someone else, it was ALL on him!

Just at that moment, there was a knock on the door. Papa smurf, cautiously at first, approached the door, opening it slowly, just in case it was another one of the smurfs that was attacked, or something. But with a loud, sickening _**KLANG**_, the elder smurf fell to the ground, and the door opened slowly, revealing Jokey standing in the doorway with the frying pan from before. "Heeere's JOKEY!"

Snappy stared at him, then grabbed a knife for cutting potions ingredients. He lunge for Jokey but the Smurf was expecting him. He pinned Snappy by his throat to the wall and prepared to beat him with the frying pan.

But something made him stop. The fear in Snappy's eyes as Jokey held him pinned to the wall.

Slowly, Jokey felt his grip relax and the Smurfling fell to the floor. "What're you DOING?!" Tobias growled in Jokey's ear, digging his nails in Jokey's shoulders. "He's one of the smurfs that's going to prank you!"

"Let him," Jokey replied, tossing the frying pan down. "I'm not going to kill anyone else. Especially a kid."

"You're a fucking idiot, Jokey," Tobias growled darkly, raking his claws down Jokey's shoulders and back, leaving deep gashes, "You let them get into your head! You think they CARE that you're sorry now?! Once they wake up Papa smurf, he's still gonna hang you for murder!"

"And I'd deserve it," Jokey spat, glaring at Tobias. "I killed Smurfs, Jokey. I raped Smurfette I killed Sassette, I nearly killed Tailor! I deserve whatever Papa decides to do to me."

Tobias glared at Jokey with the hate and anger he could muster in his eyes, his face twisted in an evil terrifying expression. the imp came grabbed the frying pan from the ground, and started towards Snappy. "FINE then, I'LL do it MYSELF!"

"No!" Jokey launched himself at Tobias, knocking the frying pan away. "You can kill me if you want but leave them alone!"

Tobias almost snarled as he shook off the initial shock from Jokey's attack. "_**YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE FUCK!**_" Tobias screeched, "_**I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! AND YOU'RE GIVING UP!**_"

The imp fired a well-aimed punch to Jokey's face, "You stupid, STUPID insignificant little BEAST! _**I SHOULD'VE KILLED YOU YEARS AGO!**_"

Jokey spat blood, then glared into Tobias's dark eyes. "Do it, then!" He challenged fearlessly. "Kill me, if that's what you want!"

"You worthless little FAGGOT!" Tobias shouted, punching Jokey in the face and torso over and over again, "You're nothing but a useless little queer!"

* * *

Smurfette shook Papa smurf desperately trying to revive him, "Papa! PAPA! Wake up, Papa smurf! Something's wrong with Jokey!"

Slouchy searched through the cupboards, seeking something to revive their fallen Papa smurf. "Nat, See if there's some kind'a smelling salts or something in the closet!"

"I'm looking, I looking!" Nat yelled.

"I can't see anything!" Snappy yelled back.

* * *

"YOU'RE A COWARD, TOBIAS!" Jokey roared. "THAT'S WHY I HAD TO BE THE KILLER AND I HAD TO CARVE THE WORDS! YOU'RE A FUCKING COWARD WHO HIDES BEHIND SOMESMURF ELSE TO GET WHAT HE WANTS!"

Slouchy quickly found a small sealed container, opened it, coughed at the smell, then held it up. "I found them!" he said, then tossed the canister to Nat- who was closest to Papa smurf. "You wake up Papa! I'm gonna try t' help Jokey!"

* * *

"**YOU DID IT BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO DO IT FIRST!**" Tobias roared in reply, "**YOU **_**ENJOYED**_** WATCHING THOSE SMURFS SUFFER! YOU **_**ENJOYED**_** KILLING GARGAMEL, YOU **_**ENJOYED**_** TEARING THE SKIN OFF AZRAEL! YOU **_**ENJOYED**_** MAKING HARMONY EAT HIS OWN TRUMPET, AND PAINTER BECOME PAINTING MATERIALS! I GAVE YOU THE EXTRA PUSH TO FOLLOW THROUGH!**"

* * *

Nat unscrewed the lid and waved the smelling salts under Papa's nose. "Come on, come on-!"

* * *

Jokey worked up what saliva he could and spat in Tobias's face. "Fuck you, Tobias," he snarled.

* * *

After a moment or two, Papa smurf started coughing, and slowly opened his eyes. "N... Nat... Where's Jokey?!"

* * *

"Fuck me?" Tobias snarled, wrapping his hands around Jokey's throat and squeezing with every ounce of inhuman strength- enough Jokey thought he'd sooner break his neck than cutof air supply- in his small body. "_**Fuck you, Best Friend.**_"

"He's over here!" Slouchy shouted from where he knelt next to Jokey whom he had rolled on his side, "It's Jokey, I think he's having a seizure or something!"

Jokey suddenly fell limp, his eyes rolling back in his skull as Tobias succeeded in choking the prankster Smurf's life out of him. Papa smurf felt around Jokey's neck, searching for a pulse. When no thum-thump of a heartbeat found his fingers, he simply bowed his head. "He's... He's dead..." he said plainly, "We were... too late..."

"What happened?" Nat asked.

"He sounded like he was talking to someone before he died," Snappy added.

"It's likely he was," Papa smurf said, a twinge of sadness in his eyes, "it's likely that he was experiencing some kind of waking nightmare kind of delusion Schizophrenia can amplify one of dreams. If the nightmare was Tobias, or some other delusion, killing him, it became real to him."

"So you're saying because he thought Tobias was killing him, Jokey actually died?" Snappy asked, shocked.

"In a way, yes." Papa smurf looked down at Jokey, giving the smurf's head a few pats, and closing his eyelids. "The stress of it all was just too much for his body to take."

"Oh," said Nat softly. "I think they were arguing over Jokey killing Snappy, and it sounded like he didn't want to..."

"It might have been that he finally had a conscious," Papa smurf murmured, "Or perhaps the potion was starting to wear off in some ways."

The elderly smurf shook his head. "In any case, there's nothing more that can be done for Jokey smurf now... Would you boys mind bringing Smurfette to Dabbler's to be examined, and telling Dabbler about Jokey?"

"Okay, Papa," Snappy said softly, leading Snappy toward Dabbler's.

* * *

Nearly three weeks had passed since the events of that day.

Tailor had regained his ability to speak coherently, and could make simple stitches and repairs without going into a crippling panic attack. He rarely left Tracker's side, and had taken to being quite secluded, seeing as he found it so hard to trust the others he didn't know as well.

It was on the eve of the fourth week since the Day that would Smurf in Infamy when the smurfs were finally mostly recovered enough to face it the results. The seven funerals took place all on the same day, jointed together as a memorial and commemorated with a statue- an unfinished work from Painter's studio- just outside the village.

Jokey was cremated, and his ashes buried away from the village. there weren't many that attended it, but a handful did-for pity, if nothing else. The service of the six victims was modest, and those caskets that could be open were. Vanity and Farmer were special, as they were together in a joint casket, essentially ignoring the phrase "Til death do you part." the three caskets that could be open- Painter, Harmony, and Sassette- were simple, but somehow brought closure to the others. the slice across Painter's throat was stitched together and covered with make up, as were the bruises on Sassette's neck. Harmony's jaw had been fixed so it was not broken and stretched looking. All three appeared to merely be sleeping.

Snappy, Slouchy, and Nat sat together, separating only to give a eulogy for Sassette, and for Jokey. Close to the end, they were allowed to pass by and give goodbyes. "G'bye, Sassette..." Slouchy said softly, one hand on the casket. "We miss you already..."

"Yeah," Nat sniffled. "We miss everyone already."

"But we'll miss you the most," Snappy added quietly.

Slouchy blinked a few times and nodded before he spoke. "Y-you know... we were gonna go explore that swamp you wanted t' see next week," Slouchy said softly, "It's not... the same, without you... but... but we'll try and enjoy it anyways..."

Slouchy looked down at the rose in his hand. He slowly placed it down in the casket, then wrapped her cold fingers around it. "We'll never forget you..." he said softly, wiping his eyes.

"Never," Nat echoed lamely.

"Ya know, whatever we said before... I think makin' you was one'a the best things we ever smurfed."

"Bye, Sassette," Nat murmured softly.

Slouchy nodded sadly, keeping his hand on Sassette's for a moment before taking it away, and watching as Handy covered the casket, hiding her from the three that loved her forever. Slouchy had to turn away as Handy sealed it, cringing at every nail that was pounded into the wood. The mellow smurf laid his head in his hands and cried softly, not quite knowing what else to do. Snappy just hugged Slouchy's shoulders hole Nat tried his best to look as though he really believe Sassette was better off wherever she was now. "Guys..." Slouchy's voice was soft, heavy with tears. "You think... we'll ever see her again...? After we die, or whatever...?"

"Yeah," said Nat softly.

"I don't know about God," said Snappy. "But I know this can't be the only thing."

Slouchy looked up at the sky, mostly clear except for a scattered cloud here and there. "Yeah," he said, "You're probably right, Snappy."

* * *

A few weeks after the funerals, Tracker found Tailor shakily setting his sewing supplies down again, the panicked look beginning to return.

"Hey," he said quietly, moving to Tailor's side. "How's my favorite Smurf in the world doing?"

Tailor jumped slightly, having not heard Tracker enter, and wrung his hands. "Not great, Ahuvi..." Tailor murmured, shaking his head and lighting a cigarette, his hands shaky. "M-moving the shop didn't help... rearranging my desk so my back wasn't to the door didn't help..." Tailor sighed slightly, and took a puff from his cigarette. "I... I keep smoifin' that he's gonna come back...o-or that it'll happen again..."

"It won't happen, Tai," Tracker soothed. "I promise you, I won't let anysmurf hurt you." He paused. "Why don't we change the subject...? I seem to recall a little conversation we were having before this mess..."

Tailor tensed up, bringing the cigarette to his mouth and chewing the filter nervously. "Oh?" he said, "Which... conversation... are you thinking of, Ahuvi? We had a few before all this happened, you know."

"I was thinking of the one where we talked about having a little girl to spoil rotten and coddle," Tracker said softly, nuzzling Tailor's face.

Tailor turned white, feeling sick to his stomach, and bringing the cigarette to an ashtray, suddenly having lost a need for nicotine. "Oh," he murmured, moving his face slightly away, "THAT conversation..."

Tracker brought his hand to Tailor's cheek. "Tai? What is it, what's wrong?"

Tailor kept his eyes away from Tracker's, already knowing he'd just feel more guilty seeing those sad eyes. "I-it's nothing, Ahuvi," he tried to sound truthful, "nothing at all."

Tailor faked a yawn and quickly shuffled to the couch that sat in the far corner of the workshop, "I-I think I need a nap, darling. I'm kinda tired."

"Tai," said Tracker quietly, "I know it's something. You act like this every time I bring her up now, and before you were just as excited as I was. What happened? Did he say something to you?"

Tailor, who had reached the couch, and now just sat on it running his fingers subconsciously over the stitch-shaped scars over his wrists, nodded slowly, blinking to banish the tears from his eyes.

"Tai," said Tracker softly, moving to sit beside him, "I need you to tell me what he said, okay?"

Tailor took a jagged breath, his whole body shaking slightly. "H-he said... h-he said I'm going t' Hell... C-cause I love you... a-and cause I w-want to have a baby with you..." Tailor hid his face, giving a little sob. "H-he said... Oh g-god, Tracker..." Tailor sobbed again, trying to regain control of his voice, "H-he said that i-if it wasn't m-m-me he was torturing, it w-would've been our little girl..."

"Tai... Oh, god, Tai." Tracker hugged his mate's shoulders. "He can't hurt her, or you again. And I promise you you aren't going to hell. That's what homophobes say to scare you. I promise t won't happen." Tracker kissed his mate's head.

Tailor simply hugged Tracker tightly, his face buried in his mate's chest, still crying quietly. "B-but it's not JUST Jokey that feels like that-!" he sobbed, "He wasn't the only homophobe in the village, Tracker... I-I don't think I'd w-want to raise a baby around that... o-or around me, w-with everything wrong with m-me-!" Tailor broke away, almost curling himself up in a ball. "I w-wish I could've just died... Th-then I wouldn't be so scared all the time... Th-then the baby wouldn' see me so scared all th' time..." Tailor sobbed quietly, his whole body shaking.

Tracker looked at Tailor sadly. "Tai, please don't say that about yourself. I'm glad you lived. I don't think I could have gone on if you died. And as for the baby, well... I know it will be hard. There's no doubt about that. And I know you're scared, and I know you're worried about the baby seeing you when you're scared. But trust me, she'll love you even if you are scared. You're going to be her Abba, why wouldn't she love you?"

"Because her Abba's a coward," he replied, curling into a tighter ball, "H-he's a useless, worthless coward that couldn't have been able to save her if Jokey was hurting HER instead... Hell, her Abba couldn't even save himself!" Tailor felt as thought he'd die right there, "All I would've been able to do is lay there and watch him put stitches in our little girl...I wouldn't even be able to tell her it'd be alright, that we'd be alright... I...I couldn't even guarantee I'd see her in Heaven, Ahuvi..."

"Tai. Jokey was a lying little bastard who's having his bones roasted for what he did. If he had hurt you and our little girl, I know you two would be running around in Heaven with Vanity and Farmer and Sassy. After what you've been through I wouldn't be surprised unless you were completely fine considering what you've gone through. That monster is finished; he can't hurt her or you ever again."

Tailor uttered a quiet sob, and leaned against Tracker, fear still heavy in his heart. "He's... he wasn't the only one that said that kind of thing about the baby, though, Ahuvi.." he was quiet, "A-Architect's threatened me I don't know how many times he'd get Papa to refuse to make her, or take her away after he did..." Tailor uncovered his face and wrapped his arms around Tracker, scared and sad. "I wish I knew she'd be alright if she DOES smoif t' be... I- I wish... I w-wish she d-doesn' have t' hear what the others 're gonna say about her..."

Tracker hugged Tailor again. "I know he wasn't. But do you really think for a second I'd let anysmurf lay a hand on her? I know she's going to be picked on by bullies like him, but all kids get bullied for something. If it's not us it will be her hair, or her dress, or something else. That doesn't mean we can't have her and love her and hold her. That's like saying I shouldn't have and hold and love you after what you've gone through."

Tailor was quiet for a moment, simply staying close to him, not knowing what to say, or how to say it. "I know you wouldn't let anyone hurt her, Ahuvi.." he said at last, "but I still have no idea why on smoif you keep me around after all that." he chuckled dryly.

"Because I love you," said Tracker simply. "What kind of Smurf would I be if I walked out on you when you needed me the most?"

"A NOIMAL smoif," Tailor chuckled again, wiping his eyes, "a noimal smoif that doesn't wanna deal with a coward mate, and nightmares, and not being able to touch 'im most 'a the time..."

"Well, I will deal with it because I love you and I want to have a life with you," Tracker replied firmly. "Even if you decide you don't want our baby girl anymore. Just... Consider it, okay?"

Tailor nodded and snuggled up against his mate. "Orright, Ahuvi... I promise I will..."

"Thank you," Tracker said, kissing his mate's head.

* * *

Later that night, when most smurfs would be asleep, Tailor was downstairs on the couch, locked deep in thought and a glass of red wine in one hand. Nights had not been so restful for him as it usually was for his mate. But on nights when he was especially plagued by nightmares, he would go downstairs and sit on the couch, just to think, or read. Tailor jumped nervously as he heard the creak of the stairs, signaling someone was walking down them, but breathed a slight sigh of relief as he saw Tracker on them. "Oy, Ahuvi... you scared me... What're you doin' up?"

"Just came to make sure you were okay," Tracker replied truthfully. "Whatcha thinking about?"

Tailor sat up, making room for his mate to sit next to him, and shrugged his shoulders. "Few different things, I guess," he murmured, "Just trying t' figure out how t' get rid'a these nightmares."

Tracker hugged Tailor's shoulders as he sat down beside him. "I don't know. Maybe we can ask Papa about a few tricks for nightmares. How's that sound?"

Tailor leaned against him and gave a little sigh. "alright... But not tonight, it's too late right now..."

Tailor was quiet for a moment. "Ahuvi...?"

"Yeah, Tai?" Tracker asked, glancing at his mate affectionately.

Tailor looked down at the red merlot in his glass. "I... I've been thinking... About the baby..."

"Oh." Tracker paused, tryin to prepare himself for th last thing he wanted to hear. "And?"

"I... I..." Tailor swallowed the lump in his throat. "I... I think I want our baby, Tracker..." he slowly turned to his mate. "I've been thinking that maybe... Just maybe... She could be our chance to start getting past all this."

"Y-you do?" Tracker asked, surprised. "Tai... This is great!"

Tailor swallowed nervously and tried to smile, "But... you have to promise me one thing."

Tracker nodded. "What's that?"

Tailor looked Tracker in the face, all seriousness in his eyes. "I want you to promise me that we'll never let her get hurt... that we'll never let her think we don't love her, or that no matter who she is, or what she's like, there will ALWAYS be someone on her side." Tailor blinked a little, looking watery eyed. "Can you... can you promise that, Ahuvi?"

"Of course," Tracker replied firmly. "I promise."

"Good," Tailor smiled and set his glass down, then gave Tracker a good, hard punch to his shoulder, "Cause I'll _smoif_ ya if we don't!" he chuckled a little, giving a wink to his mate.

"Ouch!" Tracker complained. "Noted, noted!"

"Good," Tailor's voice was soft as he leaned against his lover and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I love you, Tracker... More than I can ever say..."

"I love you too." Tracker kissed Tailor's forehead. "More than you'll ever know."

* * *

A few months later, Tracker and Tailor were in Papa's laboratory, preparing to get their daughter.

"I can't wait!" Tracker said excitedly, hugging Tailor's shoulders. "She's going to be perfect!"

Tailor smiled widely, his previous fears about the baby mostly dissipated. "She WILL be!" he said, then turned to Tracker fully, light worry on his face. "Oh Tracker, what if she doesn't like me?"

"Are you kidding?" Tracker laughed, nuzzling Tailor's nose, "she'll love you! Who else is going to doll her up in dresses and help her do her hair and decorate her room?"

Tailor smiled a little, and hugged his mate. "I hope so..."

As they were talking amongst themselves, Papa smurf prepared to animate the clay doll he had prepared for them. The spell was cast quickly, a light magenta aura radiated around the cauldron, and after a few moments, the loud cry of an infant rang out through the room.

Quickly followed by a _second_ infant's cry.

Tracker looked up in confusion. "Papa...?" He asked slowly. "Why did I just hear TWO babies...?"

Papa, looking quite confused himself, reached into the cauldron and wrapped both of the screaming masses in little pink blankets before he hoisted them out of the cauldron. "The clay was affected by Gargamel's spell the last time it was used, when the smurflings made Sassette," he explained, "I was worried the first doll I made would not animate, so I created a second to smurf as a substitute. But it seems both of them animated as they normally would have."

He turned slowly, showing the pair the two smurflings. One had blonde hair and baby blue eyes, screaming and crying the most of the two. The other had incredibly different hair, a pinkish color with dark purple streaks through it, and her eyes were shut tight. "H-Her hair..." Tailor murmured, instinctively getting closer to the two babies, "It's so... odd..."

"It is," Tracker agreed, inching forward as well and carefully taking the loud, blonde girl from Papa.

Tailor looked up at Papa, childlike innocence in his face. "C-can I... hold her?"

"Of course you can," Papa smurf carefully passed the child to Tailor, "She is your daughter, after all."

Tailor stared down at the whimpering little life in his arms. "H-H'lo, mamela," he said softly, "I-I'm your Abba... That silly one over there's your daddy..."

Slowly, the infant's unfocused eyes flickered open. Tailor gazed on in shock. Normally, a baby smurf has blue eyes- all babies are born with blue eyes, after all- but this baby's eyes were a striking pink, only a few shades darker than her hair. and one of them looked cloudy, as if there were a milky film covering it. "Riboynoy-Shel-Olyom..." Tailor breathed, "T-Tracker, her eyes-! Look at her eyes!"

Tracker looked up from the infant in his own arms to stare down at her sister. "Is she blind?" He inquired, still rocking her sister soothingly as he stared at the pink-eyed infant, who cringed away from him.

"I think so, at least in that eye." Tailor replied, then looked over to Papa smurf. "Is this- because of the spell?"

Papa nodded sadly, and took the child from Tailor's arms. "I believe it is, " he said, looking at her blind eye with a small light, "Seeing as she's completely blind in her left eye, I'm fairly certain it is due to the spell..." Papa smurf was quieter for a moment. "Does this mean you're only keeping the sister, then? I can find her a home with one of the other smurfs if you so-"

"N-NO!" Tailor exclaimed suddenly, then paused, "U-uh, that won't be necessary, Papa smoif." He carefully took the child back. "Blind or not, she's still my daughter, and I'll love her no matter what. "Tailor looked over to Tracker, "that is... if you still want her too, Ahuvi..."

"Of course I still want her!" Tracker insisted. "What kind of father would I be if I didn't? She's different, that doesn't mean she's not mine and it doesn't mean she's not still perfect."

Tailor smiled widely at his mate, then walked to where he stood with his daughter and kissed him. "I love you, Tracker... and our little girls too."

"I love you too," Tracker smiled, before laughing as the little blonde reached over and bopped at her sister with a little fist, the older, half-blind twin giving a squall of protest and batting her sibling's hand away.

Tailor laughed a little and leaned his head against Tracker's shoulder. "Ahuvi..." he said softly, "I think... even after all of this that's happened... I'm not scared..." the smurf felt tears in his eyes. "Even if we do get trouble from the others... I know we'll be okay... _They'll_ be okay..."

Tracker smiled widely. "I'm glad, Tai," he smiled. "And you're right... They will be okay..." He paused. "Ya know, we should give them names..."

Tailor looked down at the child in his arms. "She looks... kinda like a Katie to me..." He said softly.

At this, the pink-haired baby gave a pleasent giggle, nuzzling Tailor's chest and cooing.

"I think she likes it," Tracker smiled, before looking at the blonde twin, who had quieted considerably since her birth.

"Ya know," he said thoughtfully, smiling at her as she watched him with wide, blue eyes, "I always liked the name 'Serenity'..."

"I dunno, Ahuvi," Tailor eyed the infant. "Something smoifs me she's going to be ANYTHING but Serene..."

Tracker laughed as the blonde baby glared at Tailor and turned to bury her face in Tracker's chest. "I think she disagrees, Tai," he chuckled affectionately.

Tailor laughed softly, stroking the blond girl's hair. "Alright... I do like the name Serenity..."

Serenity glanced over at Tailor, as if deciding whether or not to forgive him, before cooing and turning in Tracker's arms, allowing Tailor to stroke her cheek.

"There's that pretty face," Tailor cooed, nuzzling her forehead, "My little Ren-Ren... And my little Katie-leh... what beautiful little girls."

"I agree," Tracker smiled, hugging his mate and daughters to him. "What beautiful little miracles."

* * *

~~End~~

* * *

**Chi:WHEEEE! **

**Aiko: IT'S OVER!**

**Really big guy from Nightmare Before Christmas with the axe in his head: We did iiiit!**

**Gremlin from Nightmare Before Christmas: Wasn't it TERRIFYING?**

**Vampire from Nightmare Before Christmas: What a night!**

**Chi: WILL YOU GUYS GET OUT OF HERE!?**

***They all leave***

**Aiko: Well, that was weird. **

**Chi: Yeah, I'll say. xD**

**Aiko: So, there we go. Dark Humor, the story dragonmastrcrashrokz AKA SmurfyFriend has hyped for a year is finished!**

**Chi: And by the way… I will like- donate a FREAKIN' BUILDING to Hufflepuff if anyone can guess the reference with that "HEEERE'S Jokey!" thing! XD**

**Aiko: Review, comment, fave, and all that jazz! **

**Chi: until next time, Ciao! ^^**


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